Also in honor of my ex/bf’s new tattoo I just want to post some info on pink triangles.

The Pink Triangle is currently on of the most widely recognized symbols in the gay community. The pink triangle is rooted in World War II times, and is an undeniable reminder of the tragedies of that time. Gay men were forced to wear pink triangles, and lesbians, prostitutes, and other “socially undesirable” women were forced to wear black triangles. Many were taken to concentration camps for experimentation of extermination.

In the 1970’s gay liberation groups resurrected the pink triangle as a symbol for the gay rights movement. It draws attention to the oppression and persecution, then and now. Today for many the triangle represents pride, solidary and a promise never to allow another holocaust. While it is most common for the pink triangle the black triangle has also been adapted for lesbian rights.

I hope that you all got a good idea of what it stands for.

I went to see K.B. @ the gas station yesterday. She got her tattoo! It looks really good, but it scares me. It’s kind of on the larger side and it is on her wrist. :o\ I’m worried she won’t be able to hide it and her parents or someone else might see it. I think that my Valentine’s Day gift to her will be a watch that is big enough to cover it or maybe one of those cool wrist bands. That way it will seem normal.

It is a pink triangle. l>

She also told me that Newgirl (Remember her?) told her that she liked her. (I knew it!) She also told me that she has feelings also for Newgirl. (I knew that too!) I asked her what she was going to do about it and she said that she doesn’t know. She seems worried about hurting me, but also excited. I’m excited for her to Newgirl seems nice. She deserves to start over. She needs someone who will love and appreciate her. Someone will will indulge her artistic side. I think Newgirl will do that. They both love Ani Difranco and Newgirl works at a sort of Women’s Resources. But not one that is only for women. Newgirl also reads K.B. poetry and has made her art work before. So it will be lovely for K.B. to have Newgirl as her girlfriend.

Maybe I was wrong all along. I’m not Justin at all. I’m Brian Kinney. I didn’t see it before. I am Brian and she is Justin and Newgirl is the romantic artistic Ethan. Or perhaps I should stop comparing my life to Queer as Folk b/c it’s odd.

I don’t know….I’m very happy for her. Who know maybe it will make us better friends. I really hope so. When we were first breaking up it was so hard. It was like this beautiful relationship that we had and worked so hard for was just deteriorating in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.

Sorry such a somber post. A lot on my mind.

Mood: Excited
Ambition: Moderate
Sebastian: Frusterated/On Guard

Ahh…Thursday. Back to work and one day away from being paid. Yes! Then I have to pay rent & go grocery shopping. Oh well… That’s the way it goes. I recieved Bow Lingual in the mail today. I haven’t gotten to try it our very much, but it seems pretty cool. Sebastion it seems get frusterated with me a lot. He says things like “I’m Jealous” and “Just listen to me” He also seems to think he is dominent to me b/c he says “I’m tough are you?” and “Careful who you mess with.” The last time I yelled at him it analysed my yell as if it were a bark and said the same. Also my mans best friend score is 47/100 which isn’t very good. I think this is something that Sebastian and I need to work on. Otherwise I am a happy girl.

Yesterday it snowed about a foot so I was told not to come into work. Fine by me. While I was home I cleaned and read. Then I was in the mood to watch a movie so I put in Where the Heart Is. I know it’s cheesy, but I really love that movie. I bought it on video for 5 bucks at Wal*Mart. I also bought Don’t Say a Word. I thought that movie was pretty interesting. I heard the Butterfly Effect was very good so maybe I’ll buy it when it comes out. I usually don’t go to the movies. I don’t really enjoy it all that much. The only time I like going to movies is when they are rated R so that I don’t have to share the theater w/ a bunch of immature little kids whose parents dropped them off. PG-13 movies are the worst for this. I think the last movie I saw in the theater was Darkness Falls. I wish I had seem The Ring in the theater. I saw it during Thanksgiving at my Aunts house w/ my cousin and her friend in broad day light and it still scared the shit out of me. I lived in fear for a week b/c I too had seem the tape and I couldn’t find anyone who had watched the movie more than a week ago. Scarey stuff.

Oh! We also cancelled our cable yesterday b/c cable in Wilkes-Barre sucks. Then we got this flyer in the mail from DirectTV and it said that we could get free 3 room instalation and a free DVD player for signing up plus 3 months free HBO. It’s going to cost about 70 a month so 35 for me, which is over what we ever wanted to spend. But!!! We will get Showtime! Which is the only chanel I want anyway. Now I can watch The L Word and Queer as Folk! I am was so excited. So we called them and they said we need permission from our landlord. So we said alright and we called our landlord. She said no! We were so mad! Why should we be paying so much for this stupid apartment and not be able to do anything with it. So we spent about 20 minutes being bummed when I thought. Couldn’t they hook it onto our little knee balcony railing? So we called up DirectTV and they said that they could for a little extra. So we called our landlord agian and she said that would be fine and that if they could do that she wants to get all the apartments hooked up. So their could be free stuff in it for us for getting DirectTV so many subscribers. B/c there a lot of apartments in our unit. So that is exciting for me. I can’t wait!

Enough about movies…Valentine’s Day is approaching. I think that it is my favorite holiday. I love things like flowers and hearts and pink and red and love. This time of the year it’s all over. So wonderful! Does anyone want to be my valentine? There should be Valentine Carols. Where everyone just celebrates love. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” Alright so maybe I do get carried away! It’s also my first single Valentine’s Day since I was 14. So This year it’s all about spending time with my friends and letting them know how much I love and appreciate them. I wish I knew a young female or male Cocker Spaniel for Sebastian to hang out with that day. It is after all the only holiday he will ever spend with his testicles. Poor little guy. I really don’t want to do it. I feel horrible! I guess it will be good in the long run. My 4 year old, Willow, has never been spayed. Everyone always yells at me for it, but she doesn’t have any behavorable problems and she’s really happy. Oh well…

Mood: Happy
Finances: Low
Sebastian: Behaving
Work: Dull

Today is going well. I remembered that I have money trapped in Paypal never to escape. So I went shopping a wee bit on ebay. I decieded to buy a few things for Sebastian b/c he needs stuff. (Don’t we all) So far I only got him one thing. I bought Bow-Lingual. It wasn’t so pricey. I got it for 59.99 w/ free shipping. Good enough for me. I’m pretty excited to try it. Sebastian is the most vocal dog I have ever had. He makes noise about everything. so maybe this will be helpful. The one that I got was the red one b/c it is prettier. Also I hate the color blue. I will def. let you all know how is works and I will list his emotion at the top of my posts. Today I just put behaving b/c he has been. Which is odd for him. He misbehaves a lot.

I tried to find the items on my wish list on ebay, but alas I didn’t find them. I did find an awful lot of Jones soda in the flavor of TURKEY & GRAVY. What the hell is up w/ this stuff? Has anyone tried it? If no one has tried it I might be the guinea pig and get a bottle. Sounds gross!

I don’t think I want to have kids anymore. It’s hard and expensive. Also I think that the world sucks and that things are getting worse. I might adopt one when I’m older. I think I would like to adopt an older child. Over six years old. However right now I am quite content w/ having a dog. I buy him things and dress him up and train him. It’s great. So for now I am happy.

I also think that I might get a new tattoo soon. K.B is getting one tomorrow. (her 1st) She is getting a very small pink triangle on her wrist. That will be cute. I have a bunch of tattoos that I want to get so I have to decide on which one to get now. So that will be something to think about over the next few days.

When I woke up this morning my face was numb. I rolled over and saw that my puppy was completely under my quilt with only his little nose peeking out. WTF! I was wearing a silk black nightgown that is sort of short, low cut, and sleeveless. It was so cold in my room. So I wrapped all the blankets around me and walked into my living room to check the thermostat. It was 51 degrees and the heat was set on 70. I touched the heaters and they were so cold. Not good at all. I sat on the couch watching buffy trying to will myself to shower and get dressed. However it was decided by me that no way in hell was I going to get naked and take a shower to then be naked and wet, even if only for a minute in that apartment. So I ran into my room took out a pair of flannel pajama pants, a long sleeved lt pink cotton shirt and my multi striped Gap sweater from last years season and threw them on. Then I put on my thick cashmere/wool socks and birks. That is what I am wearing at the office today. Not good attire for work. But I am a secretary! I have a secretary’s wardrobe. It is full of short skirts and tights. No way was I about to put on tights. Is it 5 yet?

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WARNING! Sexual Content Ahead! Don’t Read if You Don’t Want to Know!

Alright so I have had my dildo (god! Does anyone know a better sounding word for this?) and I am really starting to love it! I love penetration. I love sex! Which for me is odd. My sex drive tends to fluctuate and for the past few months it has been on the way low. However in the past week it has skyrocketed. I’m aroused! Yay! I have also been thinking a lot about different things I would like to try in bed. But I think that my goddess figure has helped me to see this. I have also been thinking a lot about what it would be like to be with a guy. Also I would like to be more expressive in bed. More as an active giver and not just a receiver. I think in that sense I tend to be a typical girl. I don’t usually initiate sex and I usually recieve, but I want to change all of that. Also I know have safer sex supplies readily available and a house to my own. If I don’t use this to my advantage then I am a fool.

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K.W. never came home last night. I’m pretty sure that he went to a concert. It was nice having the place to myself. Sebastian sings, but only along w/ Etta James. It’s really cute. I suppose it is because she is so bold and her notes are long and loud. Either was I think it’s awesome.

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My hair looks good, but it wasn’t choppy enough. When I got back to the shop I cut off random chunks. It looks really good now. I just want to color it. Maybe I’ll do that on Sunday. I doubt it though. I don’t want to spend that much money. The hair cut alone was 30 bucks. Not cool!

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My puppy will not go to the bathroom outside. It is quite depressing. It makes sense I suppose. I would hate to have to poo outside. It’s all cold and everyone can see you. It makes me almost feel bad about making him go out there. then I remember how terrible puppy poo smells and how much I hate cleaning it up.

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I really wish that I had the ability to start my life over agian. There are many things that i would do differently. But also I wonder what type of person I would be now if I didn’t go through everything I have. All in all I suppose that my biggest regret is not doing better in school, or possibly not having better teachers. Actually I think my biggest regret is that I never slashed the tires of Mrs.Ianetta’s car or poured blood all over her interior. I would have also liked to poison Mr.Austin w/ cookies.

“You’ll say, Don’t fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
You’ll say you’d never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can’t afford to lie” —-Fiona Apple

Last night was the 2004 State of the Union Address. I couldn’t even watch. Bush is such a manipulator and a liar. I can’t wait until Dean is elected and I can have pride in my country agian. I think this has been a very dark time for America and it is causing irrevokable damage to our reputatuion with the world. I did find a very entertaining drinking game for it. I only wich that I had known about it before I watched it. It would have been much more entertaining and I would have finally gotten rid of that bottle of Smirnoff Vanilla Twist. Oh well…

I am going to be starting a new book soon. The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger. I really hope that it’s good. Not b/c I bought it, I didn’t, I am borrowing it. Just b/c I hate reading a book and spending free time reading it then for it to suck. I really hate that. Also it’s a hardcover which I dislike. I never feel intimite with a hardcover. They’re so bulky. Oh Well…

Also in super fabulous exciting new….I got a Louis Vuitton Purse…..only…….IT’S REAL!!!!!!!!!!! How unbelievable it that. It was a present! I am so so happy. It was hard to find good pictures of it so you have to deal w/ these. I feel glam just looking at it.

Have you ever had a story that you thought was funny and it even made you laugh out load when you thought about it…but then when you went to tell someone they don’t laugh and just look at you. Like they expect there to be more to it. And you feel bad because you start to relise that it was pretty stupid and you feel bad for ever thinking it was funny in the 1st place? That pretty much sums up my life.

About 5 years ago I was reading my moms diary from when she was pregnant w/ be till when I was about 3. It made me feel really good because she kept saying nice things about me and how it made he so happy when I would smile at her. That made me feel really good about myself. Then she said that she wished that my father would learn to like me a little more instead of thinking about all the money that they were wasting on having another child. That made me sad. (sort of) To my father I am wasted money and because I’m here they had to wait 2 extra years to get a new washer. Just think for a couple bucks they could have avoided having all of us and saved a lot more.

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In other news: Louis Rennison is releasing a 5th book in the Georgia series. YES!!! It comes out in July and is titled Away Laughing on a Fast Camel. She is also releasing a much longer adult rendition of Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging. Interesting.

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Stranger Things: What the hell is up w/ some of these people and their weird ass Xangas? I mean while I was looking around today I saw Ana loves Mia. So I though “Hmm…I wonder if their are famous lesbians I don’t know about. I mean look at all the people on that blogring. Turns out this is a pretty way of saying Anorexia and Bulimia and these a pro-disorder rings. After prying further I found a ton of them. It’s really sad. Also Xanga’s made completely for making fun of famous people. Do you think Avril Lavigne really cares if you think shes punk or not. She sold enough albums, she made enough money. She’s most likely very happy. Also a note to all those punksters out there reading this….IF IT IS ON MTV & #1 ON TRL CHANCES ARE IT IS NOT REAL PUNK OR HARDCORE AT ALL. So next time don’t get your hopes up. Also being white doesn’t make you god, nor does being born in a certain place. Hitler was not a cool guy and the KKK was pretty uncool too. I find it ridiculous how little some things have progressed in all the years that there has been a fight and passion for change.

I love you all…Hugs & Kisses!

At last… Romance. I don’t dislike being friends w/ benefits w/ my ex, but I was beginning to feel like it was all about sex and that made me sad. I was thinking that it was just because we weren’t going out anymore that it was like this and maybe we should go out agian. I talked to her about what I was feeling and she told me how she was feeling and we deceided to continue our relationship as it is, but chance a few things for the better. I’m glad that we didn’t start going out agian, b/c I see now we would still have the same problems. She feels like she’s to young to settle down and I feel like I’m getting to old not to. I don’t really care about monogomy. It works with some couple and with some it doesn’t. I don’t even want to get married. I just want to live with someone. To know that I have someone to come home to that loves me. Also I want to have kids. I don’t want to have them past the age of 24. Which makes things hard.

I also want romance. Well, she delivered on that one! I was out picking up lunch for the office today and when I come into my office she had purchased pink flowers for my desk!!! I was so excited. They are potted gerber daisies. Which is good b/c they aren’t dead. She also got me a little glass paperweight that says “You are my SunShine” YAY!!! I think everything is going to be alright with us. We make good friends.

The strange thing is I was watching the last few episodes of Queer as Folk’s 2nd season and the relationship between brian and justin was starting to remind me of our relationship and I realized that I too wanted the romantic violinist. That’s when I called her to work out our relationship…. It’s weird how my mind works.

At last… Romance. I don’t dislike being friends w/ benefits w/ my ex, but I was beginning to feel like it was all about sex and that made me sad. I was thinking that it was just because we weren’t going out anymore that it was like this and maybe we should go out agian. I talked to her about what I was feeling and she told me how she was feeling and we deceided to continue our relationship as it is, but chance a few things for the better. I’m glad that we didn’t start going out agian, b/c I see now we would still have the same problems. She feels like she’s to young to settle down and I feel like I’m getting to old not to. I don’t really care about monogomy. It works with some couple and with some it doesn’t. I don’t even want to get married. I just want to live with someone. To know that I have someone to come home to that loves me. Also I want to have kids. I don’t want to have them past the age of 24. Which makes things hard.

I also want romance. Well, she delivered on that one! I was out picking up lunch for the office today and when I come into my office she had purchased pink flowers for my desk!!! I was so excited. They are potted gerber daisies. Which is good b/c they aren’t dead. She also got me a little glass paperweight that says “You are my SunShine” YAY!!! I think everything is going to be alright with us. We make good friends.

The strange thing is I was watching the last few episodes of Queer as Folk’s 2nd season and the relationship between brian and justin was starting to remind me of our relationship and I realized that I too wanted the romantic violinist. That’s when I called her to work out our relationship…. It’s weird how my mind works.

Yesterday it snowed a lot so I didn’t have to go into work. (yes!) However K.W. only had one class so it didn’t lead to much alone time. Today it is so cold! Being cold is to me one of the worst feelings in the world.

However the actual snow that fell on Wednesday night was beautiful. It was the crispy kind of snow that glitters on the ground when it falls and makes everything sparkle. I love that kind of snow it makes the world seem so friendly and magical. I wanted to play w/ Sebastian outside, but it was way to cold for him.

My name is not Sam. I just wanted to clear that up. It’s Angela.

Also, K.W. is my roommate. Everyone thinks that we are married. It’s sad really…. We fight a lot. (Actually it’s more I fight w/ him a lot in my mind, but usually not out loud.)

Birkenstocks are not a Winter shoe. My feet are always cold this time of year and I am constantly getting snow in my shoes. However morale is agian high, feet are cold, hands are warm, sexlife is low.

Damn college. Everyone my age is in school agian and I am left playing office w/ the grownups. I just miss my ex. The next time she is comming over is Sunday night at like 10.

Oh well. I think it’s interesting that for such a girlie person I always get along better w/ boys or more masculine girls. Odd…

Pretty, eh?

Tomorrow is the weekend. I don’t know what I’m going to do tongiht or Saterday. Hopefully I will get a chance to collage. Oh! My roommate is going to his parents house for the weekend so I am going to have the house to myself. YES! YES! YES! I am going to do my art and hang out w/ Sebastian and clean and unpack more. Also I want to try to take some digitals of my house to put up and show everyone, but I want to finish decorating my room 1st.

***UPDATE*** My roommate named the kitten. It’s name is Rachel. It’s not so bad I guess. It should have been Belle. Oh well….it’s not my pet.

Also I find it offensive that by simply typing to word gay into google I get bombarded with porn. To top it all off type in Romantic, you will see a bunch of straight folks kissing an a beach. Type in romantic lesbian, PORN. So frusterating. I don’t know about anyone else, but porn is definatly not what I think of when I hear the word gay. The me gay is fabulous, glamourous, wonderful, colorful, happy, friends, community, socialism. My life is not about porn. Also I find I get a lot of porn sites when I type in….teen, girl, young, asian, funky, etc… I don’t think that porn sites should be allowed to be listed on normal search engines. I think they should have to be posted on Porn engines that you must be 18 to access. I mean I watch porn once in a while. I read those erotic books. I just don’t want it in my face and as much as I am opposed to web censorship I don’t want it in my childrens face either. However I think that by making a seperate search engine you are not censoring it, b/c you can still get it if you want, it’s just not all over. Ok…I’m done bitching.

I am in a much better mood today. The wonderful comments by people and the things they said really cheered my up.

I know that with good there always comes bad and that I need to overcome the bad by always staying true to myself and the things that I believe in. Woohoo!

They left me alone in the office today. So it is just me and the phones….I kind of like it. I don’t have to worry about being caught slacking off by my boss. Freedom! My bf/ex stopped by to see me as well. That made me happy. We are going to order some lunch. It’s nice to have real human interaction at work. Usually it’s just me and Sebastian warding off the telemarketers and sending faxes.

I am inviting one of my new friends over this weekend to my apartment. He is going to be sleeping over on Sunday and then on Monday we are going to go shopping in Allentown. (yay!) I am a little scared though. I am not usually so good with knowing what to do when I have company over so I want to make sure that I have a bunch of things for us to do. I think it will be great. He is really sweet and my ex will be there too. She has been friends with him longer that I have. I also have cranium, which rocks, so if my roommate is in a good mood we can play with him. (It requires 4 players)

I ended up not getting a vibe b/c I really want the cancer one. So I decided to wait until after I paid for my rent and car insurance and then if I still have a lot left over then I will buy it. I think that sounds like a good plan. Also I am an impulsive person when it comes to money and if I want it I buy it. I have been trying not to do this. That is why I haven’t bought the Louis Vuitton, the Jones Light, or now the Vibe. Gotta keep my finances in check. It seems to be going well for me. I do let myself buy anything I want that costs less than 20 bucks. Keeps me happy.

I think that I was supposed to be born a male. I feel much more like a very feminine queeny bi boy then I do a girly bi chick…….then agian maybe this is just what I’m supposed to feel like. In any case I refuse to be alone in thinking that two guys having sex with each other is beautiful and sexy. I just think other girls won’t admit it.

I’ll let that be all for now. My best thoughts and wishes to all of you! I’m going commenting! Yippee!