I am sorry that I have been writing a lot about work lately. I know it is boring. You just have to understand that my whole life I have failed at things. It started with school and has just continued into everything else and for the first time I am doing well at something and it feels so good. Now with this party getting cancelled and that huge goal looming over my head I am so scared that I am going to fail again. I know that it is common for new consultants not to make their Sure Start goal, but I am so close. I only have one more goal to go. Thank you so much to everyone who expressed an interest in helping me by purchasing something from my website. You have no idea how much I appreciate knowing that you are even thinking about it. The products are really good. I wouldn’t be selling them if they weren’t so if you have questions about them I would be happy to answer them. My fingers are crossed that the Open House goes well. I need orders until the end of March so feel free to purchase. :o)

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The Mrs. is going to be home early every day this week. Tonight and Friday she’ll be there at 7:30 and Wednesday and Thursday will be 5:30. I am so excited!! One of the nights we are going to The Body Shop store in Allentown to pick up a few extra items for my Open House so I will have more of them new products on hand to show off.

The rest of the nights we have no plans which is the way I prefer it. This week should be really nice. I’m even going to be domestic and make dinner tonight. I’m making Rice & Beans and veggie burgers. It’s not gourmet I realize.

I just found an old boyfriend of mine on Myspace. Wow. It’s really weird seeing him after all of these years. We haven’t really spoken in 5 years. Our relationship didn’t end very well, but he was my friend for a long time and he was a great first boyfriend. I have missed talking to him for a while. I hope he is still the same. I hope he isn’t mad at me and I hope we are able to talk. He lives in San Francisco now. He lives across the country and I never even knew that he moved. I also found a girl who me and my old friend Donna used to talk to in our Child Development class and I was asking her about Donna and she gave me Donna’s phone number. I’m going to try to call her later on.

I have some pictures I am going to try to upload tomorrow for your viewing including a few from my Valentine’s Day. I know it has been a while. I tried to upload them at home, but I couldn’t figure out how to work to program so I am going to have to do it at work. I also got a photo shop program for Christmas that I have yet to open. I’m going to have to bring that into work so I can try that out as well.

Sorry to make such a short post, but I have a lot of calls to make to get my Open House up and going.

My party on Friday didn’t go as well as I had hoped. It was good practice though for the Make It Up gno, which I decidedly do not like very much because it is really confusing for the participants. When I got home and calculated everything I realized that I wasn’t going to make my goal. If I didn’t make that goal I would lose the chance at next month’s goal. So
The Mrs. and I agreed to split a purchase to get me there. Then after the order was placed I checked my progress and I was still $84 short of my goal. I was so upset because I was trying so hard and just not making it. The Mrs., who is the most wonderful person in the world, stepped in and lets us use some of our savings and I was able to place another order to get me there. I don’t know what I would do without her. So I made my first two months and I have one more goal to go before I am set. Since my party for March 4th was cancelled it is going to be a lot harder to do. I am going to try my best.

Besides Work: The Mrs. didn’t have to work all weekend so it kind of felt like a mini vacation. We bought the movie Rent and we both fell in love with it.
Times I Cried During Rent:
1. At the meeting when the song “Life Support” played.
2. At the meeting when the song “Will I” played.
3. When Angel & Collins were singing “I’ll Cover you” down the street.
4. When Angel was dying
5. Angel’s funeral
6. When Mimi was sick and it looked like she was going to die.
7. The alternate ending when Angel comes back to sing the final song.

It was such a wonderful movie. If you haven’t seen the movie yet I suggest that you do. In my opinion it is better the second time. The whole weekend could have only been better if we were somewhere where we could have had sex because everyone was around at every second. We were so lovey dovey the whole time and it was horrible leaving her this morning. I did not want to come into work today. Spending the day in bed with her would have been perfection.

More on The Body Shop: I have $100 worth of orders in already for March so I only have $1400 to go. Whew! If you have ever thought about ordering something from my website this month would be the month to do so. Every order comes with 2 deluxe samples and on orders of $55 or more I will throw in a free full size product. I would just appreciate it if you went to the site and looked around and if you see something that catches your eye wonderful and if not at least you looked. This is the last month I have a specific goal to meet so it is the last time I will be asking something like this of you all. Oh! The Body Butters and Scrubs are 2 for $26 so that might be something for you to look into as well. If you have any questions about the products just ask me. I can answer them all.

If you ordered something from my website then I love you an I present you with this website. Enjoy it. I spent more time than I should have there today reading nonsense.

Another little gift from me to all of you is this. I can’t believe some of the things they make.

I don’t think that I am going to be able to make my sales goal for next month. The goal is $1,500. I thought I would be fine, but my party for March 4th was just cancelled and I really needed it to get me more parties to fill the month. I know this sounds extreme, but ideally I would like to get 5 parties scheduled for March at tonight’s party. I know! That is crazy and so not going to happen, but I can dream. I want to make this goal so badly. Perhaps I could host an Open House. There are a lot of people who didn’t attend my first party who might be able to attend it. I e-mailed my up-line about it and she gave me some really great feedback…I am just not sure I would be able to pull it off. It would be short notice, but maybe I could do it for March 4th. I could do the Strawberry Theme and also feature the newly available products. Otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to make it at all. If I am able to make my goal then I will have completed my Sure Start Goal from the company. I will get $150 in free products, recognition in the newsletter, a charm, and an award. The biggest bonus will be that I will have set up a firm customer base for myself and that is the best part of all.

I’m going to do it. I just sent out a flyer to everyone on my e-mail list. I will also mail some out and have loose ones with me I can hand out to people I come across during the day. I’ll have to let my sister know. She is usually good at getting people to attend these sorts of things. My main goal from the Open House would just be to get parties scheduled.

It is actually a really great opportunity to earn products because at the party I am going to have a lot of door prizes and a grand prize drawing which can get to over $100 in merchandise.

Here is what you have to do to earn a ticket:

• Asking a question about the business – 1 ticket
• Spending over $50 – 1 ticket
• Spending over $100 – 3 tickets
• Booking a GNO – 5 tickets - chance to win Grand Prize!
• Scheduling a recruit interview with me – 10 tickets - chance to win Grand Prize!

Each ticket is a chance to win the drawing! Does that sound like a good idea?

Most of today is going to be spent preparing materials for my party tonight. The Mrs. is going to come with me to help out. I am doing two stations one is Make-up and the other is Your Face Is Forever. I will be sure to update about how everything goes. I am quite nervous.

Thank you to everyone who recommended a book to me. I have a list of books that I want to get a hold of now. A lot of people recommended books I already have and love so you guys really know what I like.

I am looking for a new book to read and I would like your help with that. I am very picky about the books that I read. I usually rely on my Bust Magazine to make some recommendations for me, but my subscription ran out and I have not yet renewed it. My friend Kathleen recommended Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand which I purchased. My only problem with that book is that it is a bit long so I think I should finish my first book of the month before I start that one in case it runs into the next month. I consider the month I finish the book to be the month I read it.

I have a book called Book Lust by Nancy Pearl and it is fantastic for recommending books. I am just wondering if any of you have a favorite book that you recommend I read. (I have already read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I just thought I would point that out.) Thank you to anyone who participates!

I love non-fiction and sad books with happy endings.

I hate books about sports, fantasy, science fiction and poetry.

Let the recommendations begin!

You know reading things like this does not even surprise me anymore. You can also read some of a different story which references the first one here. People like to ignore these issues because they would like to believe everything is going to be fine and they won’t really take our rights away, but that isn’t true. They are taking our rights away. They will continue to do so until enough people stand up for what they believe in. What is going to happen when the rights of women and gays have been destructed and we have no where else to go? I know a lot of people who used to look to Canada as their safe haven in case things in America get worse, but with their newly elected conservative President it looks like our options are getting slimmer.

When I was younger I used to hear about how people struggled and fought for our rights, the rights we enjoy today. I never thought in my life I would see them begin to take those rights away again. It scares me.

I have been asked why I care so much about abortion. Why does it matter to me? I am in a relationship with a woman and thus I can not get pregnant by accident. It matters to me because I am a woman. It matters to me because I have women in my life that I love and care about. We can not ignore issues just because they do not concern us directly. What affects some affects all! If you are pro-life, that is fine. It is alright. You are extremely entitled to that belief, but do you really think your belief should be forced on to everyone else? Don’t you think it is refreshing to be given a choice? A lot of people have never even thought about the possibility that one can be pro-life for themselves also pro-choice politically. The real enemy is being anti-choice.

I want to have a child so badly sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe. Thinking about it too much has been known to make me break down and cry in stores. I love children. I can’t wait to have my own family. Does it make me mad or upset me when I know someone has had an abortion? No. Does it make me mad or upset when someone has a baby even though they do not want one and can’t support it and can not handle it? Yes. It breaks my heart. When I hear parents talking down to their children I can not handle it. When I see parents abusing there children I can not handle it. I have known some pretty awful people who have had children. I have nearly lost my job many times because I have laid parents out about their unacceptable behavior and I have even had to threaten to call the cops. That breaks my heart. I think it would be lovely if every child was a wanted child.

I also think that being in a relationship where to have children I very well may have to rely on adoption and I think that gives me another perspective on that. It is hard to adopt and many children are never adopted. A lot of the time it is not an option. I know it sounds very nice and there are a lot of great stories about adoption, but after doing a lot of research on it I don’t know if The Mrs. and I will ever be able to do it and certainly not in the US. The waiting lines are around 2 years long here and babies cost about 20,000. I just don’t know….

Thank you for letting me vent. I really needed it and who doesn’t love a good cry in the middle of the day at work?

I am a planner. I am one of those people who enjoys thinking ahead. I like to think about my future and set plans for myself. When I was 13 my idea of a good time was sitting at home with a baby name book and choosing names for my possible future children. I also used to get books of homes and designs and chose every little detail my possible future homes might be like. That was my favorite activity to do. Part of me still enjoys that as much as it used to, but now it is more internalized. I like to talk about where The Mrs. and I might live and what kind of home we might have. The Mrs. sometimes gets upset because she feels like I am planning her life for her. Today I realized that is not it at all. I am planning her into my life. For the first time I am imagining what it would be like to have someone there with me. The idea that my children would be our children is so…mind-blowing to me. I always pictured myself as a young single mother and I am trying to adjust that view to envision me as an older “married” mother. I put married in quotations because, of course, I can not get married. You would think that being someone who thinks a lot about her future the inability to get married would bother me more than it does. I think having parents who have been married all of my life and are still married took a lot of the glamour out of it for me. A lot of people see there parents and they either idolize them and want what they have or they distain them and think of ways they could do it better. I don’t know what it is for me. I think it might be my free spirited nature. I did see myself getting married, but I also saw myself getting divorced. I did not see myself as the commitment type. I do miss the idea of a fabulous dress, a party, a ring, friends, family, and proclaiming my love for the person who had my heart. I don’t give a shit about the fucking piece of paper that the government is keeping from us. I know that there are a lot of legal benefits that come with marriage and there is a huge safety net there in case something should happen to us, but you know what? We will overcome. I am not saying that gay marriage is not important because I am a FIRM believer in equal rights. For women and men. For gays and straights. However, for me, it all goes back to that teenage rebellion. The more you tell me that I can not have something the more I will rebel against it and prove that I do not need it. You tell me that I can not get married, fine. I don’t need it. What I need it love and I have that. What we all really need at the very base of it all is love. I’m not trying to sound like a hippy Beatles song, but it is true and you know what? They can’t take that away. They will never be able to silence us if we do not let them. With a lot of issues I think that silence is the enemy. The more we talk about things and get them out into the open the better things will get. I am not going to let the fact that rights are being taken away from me get me down. Plus even if gay marriage was legal me and The Mrs. wouldn’t be getting hitched anyway because for her it is a feminist issue and I love her more than I love marriage so that is alright with me.

The real thing that started this post was me making our bed and seeing our yellow knit blanket next to our lilac jersey sheets and thinking how lovely it would be if our bed room was yellow and lilac. I think that would be perfect. I hope we get there some day. For know I think I am going to try to focus on the present a little bit more.

I still think that the government can take its piece of paper and fuck off.

I had an amazing day yesterday. We had such a good time. Such a good time in fact that it was hard to separate. I am awful at conversation and I actually think it flowed the entire time. The Mrs. makes me so happy. We did all of the things I mentioned we would do and I took some pictures. I will upload the pictures onto Flickr on Tuesday. (My cord for my camera is at my office.)

The pottery place was wonderful. The only regret I have is not sitting next to the Mrs. We sat across from each other and I think it would have been easier to talk if we were next to each other. The Mrs. made a plate which I think came out looking a lot like tie-dye. I made a mug for me to bring with me to work. It has starfish on it and it says “Good Morning Angela”. I thought that would be nice for me to use at work. I also found a mosaic I had made there and forgotten about. I was so excited to have it because I was sorry that I had left it. So I got to bring that home with me.

After we were done we stopped for a quick lunch to go and then we were on our way again.

We went to the Lehigh Valley Mall and we went into The Body Shop. I bought The Mrs. the Grapeseed Collection for her face. I got myself the Vitamin C Time Release Capsules. You are supposed to use them every night for 28 days and you’ll see amazing results. I have heard great things about them and since I am selling them I figured I should use them so I know what I am talking about people. I used them last night for the first time and I swear I already see a difference in my face. I have scars on my chin from having acne as a teenager and this morning when I looked in the mirror they looked lighter. Is Vitamin C known to do that? I’ll keep you guys updated as to what I notice, but in only one day I think I see a change. Then we went to the Gap, of course, but nothing struck our fancy.

We left the mall and headed over to Old Navy and The Mrs. found some cute pants and we got a little shirt for Sebastian.

Once we were done there it was getting later so we decided to try getting dinner at Olive Garden so we could catch the 7:00 showing of the movie instead of the 10:00 viewing. We had to wait about 30 minutes, but I didn’t mind. We shared a pitcher of delicious Berry Sangria. I wanted to try something new so I tried the Seafood Portofino, which was great. The Mrs. had the Shrimp Scampi Alfredo and I didn’t try it, but it smelled wonderful. We talked a bit about going on vacation together in January and she said that it depended because it would mean using our savings, which I thought was going towards a laptop computer. Then she told me that she had really been saving money as a down payment for our home. That made me cry on the spot. Besides children the one thing I want in my life is a home to call my own. The fact that she was saving for that melted me. Thank you, honey.

After dinner we were right on time so we drove to the theater and we got there at 7:02. I got out and stood in line for tickets while she looked for a spot. While standing in line I noticed that the movie started at 7:10 so it worked out perfect! We had decided on Brokeback Mountain. We loved it! The ending was sad, but really all endings are sad. I was surprised at how mild the sex scenes were because everyone told me they were very hot. I think seeing Queer As Folk numbed me a bit, because I was left thinking: Is that all? I LOVED the movie. It was very well done and just beautiful. The landscape alone left me mystified. I am glad I got to see it on the big screen. I was also a little worried about the audience being disrespectful, but we were in a full theater and we had no problems at all. I think I would even see it again in the movies. Drinking all of those Sangrias before hand really helped a lot. I felt relaxed and I did not get neurotic at all. The movie led to conversations between The Mrs. and me and I said that if we lived out where they live we would not be doing what we are doing. We would most likely meet a gay couple and marry them and then the four of us could try to be a couple with out anyone knowing. Mostly I think we would try and move. I don’t know how gay people survive out there. It is so sad the way people have to live their lives because of who they are.

We had been planning on going to Wegman’s afterwards to do some grocery shopping, but it was so COLD outside that there was no way we were going to even try it. So we went home, got into bed, watched Grey’s Anatomy and cuddled. It was nice getting into bed with her after spending the day together. Even though it was a few days late I think it was our best Valentine’s Day yet.

I received the entire 1st season of Grey’s Anatomy in the mail yesterday and The Mrs. and I watched the whole damn thing. I am very tired today from staying up late, but it was completely worth it. I understand so many things now that I didn’t get before having not scene it. It also further established my complete love for the show. I never noticed how diverse the cast was until I watch the behind the scenes feature with the writers. I think it is great that they did not cast anyone in a certain way. On the reverse side I do notice when shows don’t have that kind of diversity and it really irks me. Gilmore Girls is a very with show with really only Michel, Lane and her mom being anything other than white. I over look that a lot because of how deeply I love the show, but it is there and it bothers me. I hope that some day the people that are shown on TV really reflect the diversity that we see in every day life.

Back to Grey’s Anatomy…I can not get enough of that show. I don’t know what they do so differently between then and ER, but I feel so personally invested in the Characters and the storyline and that just does not happen to me much. It makes me laugh out loud (me!) and cry (no shock there) and I just think it is fantastically done. I can’t wait to see what else is in store for the characters for the rest of this season. I know, I know. I am becoming a nerd about the whole thing. I don’t even care. It’s awesome.

Oh! Before I forget I wanted to bring up the woman who was raped and almost died in one episode. The doctors were talking about how she put up a fight and they actually found his penis in her mouth because she had bit it off. The man ended up coming to the hospital later in the day for obvious reasons. He was handcuffed to the bed and the police took him away. As a result of what the girl had done to him her could no longer pee normally and would never have sex again. I found that intensely satisfying and I thought if only all rapes or rape attempts could have that ending. The woman also ended up living and the episode, sad as it was, made my heart a little lighter. Out of all of the outcomes they could have shown to that situation I am glad they scripted the one they did.

The last thing I want to bring out about Grey’s Anatomy is what the hell is wrong with these women? I think George is wonderful, attractive, sensitive and caring. I would have sex with him in a second. Then we would do it in every way possible for a few hours and then we would talk about our feelings. I don’t understand how Izzie can be in a relationship with Alex, who is a complete asshole, when she is living with George. Am I alone with this? What is the whole obsession with the “bad boys”? I can not stand them. If the things you do and say are ugly then no matter what you look like I am going to think you are ugly. If your actions are sweet and loving and honest and beautiful then I am going to think you are hot hot sex. So people, I am not ashamed I think that George is the hottest man on Grey’s Anatomy. Go ahead. Try to challenge me. (Don’t even bring up Shepard’s sex smile or the time Cristina has a miscarriage and Burke climbed into bed with her and held her because those are not game.)

Last night was also nice because I had The Mrs. with me the entire time. She picked me up from work at 5:00 p.m. and all was right with the world. She also gets done at 6:30 p.m. tonight. I have to pick her up from The Gap and take her to pick up her car. We had to take it to the dealer to get some routine stuff done to it. Then we are spending from then on tonight together. That puts me in such a great mood. Tomorrow is our big day out together and I think it is going to be fantastic. I’ll have to bring my camera and take plenty of pictures. I hope the weather holds out.

My boobs are really itchy. I want to go home so that I can collapse on my bed and die from my stomach cramps in peace.

Good news though! (For me.) The Mrs. does not have to work tonight so we are going to be together all night starting at 5pm. It’s like Christmas! Only better because we don’t have to spend a bunch of money and visit everyone!

The people who are phoning in today are getting on my nerves. Remind me in my next life to PAY ATTENTION in school so that I can get right into college and get a job that I will enjoy. While we are on that topic I still haven’t heard back from the university so do not ask me. You’ll know when I know.

There will be one good thing about work today. I baked brownies last night, by myself, and I brought one with me to work today. I always used to think women were crazy when they yammered on about chocolate because I used to hate the taste of chocolate. After I turned twenty I have not been able to get enough chocolate when I have my period. It is magical! If chocolate was a person I would make love to it and even wear little outfits for it and then I would marry chocolate and I would never let our love life die.

While I am on the subject of edible things I would marry, I was in the grocery store the other day and we were walking by the sodas and guess what was not there? Vanilla Coke. VANILLA COKE! VANILLA COKE was NOT THERE!!!!!! I have been hearing rumors about them not making it anymore, but I didn’t think it was true. I know I stopped drinking it about a year and a half ago and since then I have only been drinking one every month or two, but still! I was amazing! Never before has a beverage made its way into my heart like that. It isn’t like chocolate where I want it like crazy for about two days a month. My passion for Vanilla Coke has long stood the test of time. Chocolate and I we are hot and heavy with each other for those two days, but two days do not make a marriage work. We all know that it would end in a messy divorce. Not Vanilla Coke and I. We are lifelong partners. It was my life force. If I was down, it would pick me up. When I was happy, it gave me an extra boost. When I was depressed, it was there with me. Now all of that is gone. Life isn’t going to be the same with out it.

I should really just let my inner crazy take the wheel for a while and write the Coca Cola Company a letter about it.

Willow and Sebastian

Originally uploaded by SparklieSunShine.

I just uploaded a bunch of my old photos into my flickr account so I can now use it with my new website. It’s pretty awesome. Later when I get my site custom designed I am going to link flickr into it a lot more. If you click on this photo it will take you to my Flickr account and I also added side notes to some of the photos.