I have been getting asked a lot lately why I don’t include pictures and comics on my posts anymore and also why I don’t have a profile picture of myself here. I am not in hiding and I don’t mean to bore you with the lack of entertaining comics the answer is simply, I don’t know how to do that. To insert an image I need a url address and usually when I do find that the pictures are way to big and then my whole front page gets messed up. So I am working on it. I was able to upload a picture of my self onto the “Who is this girl?” page, so you can check that out, but most of you have seen it.

Last night worked out well. The letter made her cry and she enjoyed the whole evening. We should have eaten at Pizza Hut though because her family surrounded us while we were trying to eat and ate a lot of our pizza. We decided on the movie Crash because neither of us had seen is, but we heard it was quite good and it won best picture. (I am going to talk freely about the movie now.) I am not sure how much I personally enjoyed it though. It didn’t seem to do much to debunk stereotypes, but more so kind of perpetuate them. In my opinion anyway. I was also shocked at how every character is openly racist in some way. I hear a lot of people who say that everyone is racist in some way, but I am not so sure about that. Are you sure that some people don’t just tell themselves that to make their own prejudices alright? The movie was, however, well acted and directed. I also thought the storyline was pretty good. It just made me uncomfortable. My favorite character was the locksmith, but I failed to catch his name. The parts that made me cry?:

• When the police officer is trying to save the woman in the burning car who he molested earlier. Thandie Newton played that so well and I could really feel what she was going through. It also marked a change in the officer because he stopped seeing her as an object and started to see her as a person.
• The second time was when the store owner was trying to shot the locksmith and the locksmith’s little girl jumped in front of him because she thought she was wearing a special bulletproof cape.

Those were both really good scenes. Has anyone else seen this movie? What did you think about it? It was interesting to say the least. I don’t know if I would watch it again.

Tonight I have no plans. Both of my catalog parties are ending today and then I will update my page that says how I am doing. I am pretty nervous. Anxiety is not my friend right now. We just have to wait and see. If you were interested in helping me out or just wanted to buy something anyway tonight is the last night for you to be able to do so. I also figured out that with the amounts my two hosts told me I only need $114 more to make my goal. So that isn’t a lot. If you do make an order I will say nice things about you in a post, you’ll get full size products as gifts, you’ll get samples and you will get the superb satisfaction of knowing you helped Angela not think she is a failure and she won’t hide in her bed all day crying. Which may or may not be what would actually happen. If you have any questions you can instant message me at SparklieSunShine on aim. I’ll be at my desk until 5pm. Thank you and come Monday you will hear no more about me making my goal, unless I didn’t make the goal and I am wallowing.

Okay! Everyone! Your homework is to write me a 500 word essay on what you enjoy most about your life. I want it on my desk by Friday night. Thank you.

On another note: I got an email today and it was someone who had realized that most of the titles to my posts are song lyrics and they sent me all the song names and artists. It’s like a game! For bored people! Thank you person! I am glad I could entertain you and that actually did make me feel happy. Oh and yes some of them are quotes also.

I wrote a little earlier this week about how me and The Mrs. want to work on getting more romance into our relationship. I wanted to devote one post a month here to that, whether it be me writing something to her or about her or describing something romantic I did for her or that she did for me. Then I thought I wouldn’t do that because no one would want to hear about it and it might get annoying. Then I decided that, hey this is my website and I can write whatever the fuck I want. Also what do I know…you guys may want to know this stuff.

So, my friends, that is what I am going to do. Every month I am going to make a romance post and it will be filed under The Mrs. Okay? Sometimes when you are with the same person for a long time it is easy to take them for granted. You forget to tell them about how much they mean to you and you don’t always go out of the way to do nice things for them. I don’t want to do that anymore.

This is going to be the post for March and it isn’t going to be that great because I just thought all of this up today. However I know it is going to be enjoyed by her. So here are the plans:

• She get’s home at 5pm and then I am going to drive us to Mt. Pocono. - This is a little special because she usually drives for us.
• Then we are going to go to Blockbuster and I am going to buy us a previewed movie. - I hate renting because I never return movies on time. I also like buying previewed because it is cheaper. - I am going to bring a list of movies I am interested in so we can avoid the usual “which movie are we going to get?” drama.
• I am going to have preordered a pizza from Pizza Hut and we are going to stop there next to pick it up. - She likes the pizza there and we never go because I don’t like the way Pizza Hut’s look inside.
• On the way home I am going to ask her to open the glove compartment to get something for me and when she does there will be a little note in there for her.

So it’s nothing to special tonight, but I know it will mean something to her and I know what she will appreciate it.

Orders?

Today I came into the office and checked my e-mail and I had an order waiting for me. I can’t tell you how excited that made me. The order was made by the wonderful Beth. So I sent in her order today and I also added a free gift and some samples. Thank you Beth! That made my day for shizzle. I’m getting closer to my goal. You can check my progress here. I still have two catalog parties going on and I am going to remain hopeful. Every order counts at this point. My fingers are so crossed.

The Mrs. gets home at 7:30 tonight! Last night was rough. She got home at 10:35 and then we had dinner and spent time together and we didn’t go to sleep until midnight. I woke up at 7:30 and I decided to wake The Mrs. up myself so that she wouldn’t have to wake up to the sound of an alarm clock. Well it sort of back fired because we ended up having sex and then we had to rush through the morning. So today for the second day in a row I was late to work because of sex. That has to stop! Nice, though. Morning sex is much better than night sex because for me at least I am much more awake.

I am starting to feel sick. It is my own fault. Yesterday I said “I am not getting sick.” This morning I woke up feeling worse. Damn. I am still not taking medicine though. Today it has been all Echinacea tea. I also have some sort of free trial herbal throat lozenge which I want to try. It came in my tea. It is called Throat Coat Herbal Pastilles Oral Pain Reliever. “Not just an ordinary lozenge!” It seems to be made with organic peppermint oil and I am supposed to let it dissolve in my throat. It is brown and squishy like a gummy. It’s strong! I sensed a bit of licorice and checked the ingredients. Yup it’s in there. I let it go for about a minute and then I spit it out. Ugg. Gross! I do not recommend this lozenge. My throat does feel a little better even though I did not finish it, but at what cost? Now I feel a bit nauseous. I am chewing a piece of gum to get rid of the taste.

03.25.06

Well…I got my application from ESU today. It got mailed to my parent’s address so that is why I didn’t get it right away. I don’t even really know what to say about the whole thing. The bottom line is that I didn’t get in. Apparently my going to Community College hurt me because I only had 3 credits so I was put into the limited transfer category, which they only take a certain amount of and they only looked at my high school grades which are not bad, but they aren’t good either. I’m pretty upset and frustrated by this. I always said how scared I was about applying because of how embarrassing it would be for me if I didn’t get in. No it has happened and while it is embarrassing I would say it is more soul crushing. I haven’t told The Mrs. yet because she isn’t home yet from work. We are going out tonight which is good because I could use something to take my mind off of everything. I want to go somewhere that sells alcohol. I intend on getting an extra dirty vodka martini. I am not going to get drunk because I don’t do that, but a drink could not hurt.

The Mrs. just called on her way home and she could sense that something was wrong and she wanted to tell her over the phone and I just really don’t want to tell her over the phone. It’s just one of those things I want to tell her face to face. I really think I’m going to have a mini-breakdown. I’m so upset about this. As much as I talked about the possibility of not getting in I never thought that would actually happen.

I am not happy right now.

03.27.06

Alright. It’s Monday. I am not as upset about the college thing anymore. These things happen and it is only right that they should happen to me. My mom wants me to reapply as a new student so I won’t be in the transfer category, but I am really not feeling it right now. It might not be such a bad idea to get the 24 credits from NCC. Then I can transfer easily and I will be a sophomore. I just can’t believe I actually did not get in. Don’t talk to me about it either. I can’t handle it.

Another thing I don’t want to talk about is my goal. Don’t go there.

I think it is important to look at the things that make me happy when I am in a bad mood. So currently at this moment I am going to list the things that are making me happy:

• Daffodils on my desk.
• My space-heater.
• Tiffany’s new collection.
• InStyle magazine. (Though I don’t understand Julianne Moore on the cover.)
• Paper Mate Blue medium stick ballpoint pens.
• My hair. (Very shiny, smells good.)
• People updating.
• The weather today.
• Ribbons.
• Silence from the phones.
• My shoes.
• My jewelry.
• Memories of sex this morning.
• My tights.
• My shirt.
• Gap underwear.
• Digital camera.
• My purse.
• The computer.
• My website.
• E-mail.
• Cash.
• The fact that I found my cell phone.
• Thinking about books I ordered from Amazon.com.
• The smell of fresh air.
• Spring colors.

See! I feel a little better. What is that? Julie Andrews singing in the background? I should go do some work around the office.

Hello!!! I am officially out of my funk. I figured out what was going on with me: I have my period! I was experiencing some of what goes on with women around this time of the month. (Don’t talk to me about PMS. I will cut you.) It is so amazing how these things affect me. I mean one day I am happy and flirty and pleased with everything and the next day I feel horrible and worthless and depressed. It sucks. I always wonder why I write about this shit on here because I know you guys don’t want to hear about it and then it happens and it is all that I can think about. So this paragraph is the end of it. I will get it all out right here at the beginning and then we can move on to other things. Okay? Does that work for you? Good because it works for me, baby. My breasts are swollen and they hurt when touched or bumped and they are not fitting so great into my bra. I am out of Tampax Pearl so I am left to using the cheap ones that The Mrs.’s Aunt buys. I hate using tampons anyway because I do believe they are harmful to your body. My vagina hurts. I am having bathroom problems (shut up). My back hurts. I can’t sleep well. Everything besides chocolate, peanut butter and rice krispie treats tastes real bad. Alright! I am done complaining. I should note that besides all of this I feel great today.

I think I might make it. I had a purchase from my wonderful friend Kyle and it greeted me in my inbox this morning. Thank you Kyle! I needed that. I send out his order today and he is also getting a few surprises in his box as well as some samples. Hooray!

After I got the order and I was processing it I started to think that maybe this isn’t over. Maybe I can still do it. I have $821 to go. That is still sort of a lot, but I have two catalog parties open. This morning I took the initiative and I called both of my terrific hosts and I told them that as a special bonus for selling $300 in addition to everything else they are getting they will also be getting a goody bag filled with stuff from me. That really is a good deal. That means if they sell $350 they will get:

- 2 collection at 1/2 off which can total $100 in savings
- A Taste of the Tropic package in Passion Fruit, Mango or Coconut retailing $32
- A Mini Body Butter which retails for $7.50
- A goody bag from me which will total around $50
- A $20 Pick Your Own gift.

Also if they get 3 parties scheduled they will get an additional $32 in free products. So that should be pretty good motivation and I think it would be nice to help them earn all that free stuff. So if they both sell $350 that would be $700 and I would only have $121 left and with little orders here and there and some orders from me I could do that. We shall see. I’ll know by next Friday. Friday is the last date that I can submit orders.

Other than that stuff I feel great today. I am alone in the office which isn’t so great, but I am going to work on my gno cards some more and get them all pretty. The Mrs. is getting home at 7:30 tonight which is lovely. I have no real plans for the weekend, but I am going to clean our room and do our laundry. My plans are exciting! I am supposed to be hearing from ESU soon and I am still waiting on that letter. I am a little intimidated by going back to school, but in the end I know it will benefit me and my family the most and how nice it would be to have a job where I can make a lot of money. I don’t want to get my hopes up to much just yet.

Last night The Mrs. and I went out to eat with Jayleen. It was nice and we had really great conversation. I hope that we are able to do it on more of a regular basis since I don’t get to see her very much. I also helped out at their award ceremony and I presented an award to one of the professors at ESU for being a Women of Distinction. I thought that was really great. The professor’s name is Andie and she is so much fun. She is younger and she was in the Vagina Monologues for the last two years. Perhaps if I get into ESU she will be my professor. I hear she is really hard though.

For the last 2 days I have been downloading every song that has ever been featured on Grey’s Anatomy. It took a while, but I finally completed it. The only songs I don’t have are ones that could not be found on LimeWire or purchased on iTunes. It is 140 songs and 8.4 hours of music. Very awesome. I did it because at least two times an episode I look over and I’m like “I love this song.” and she smiles and says “Me too”. So I also did it as a little present for her. I was trying to burn it onto CDs, but after 3 of them my computer decided it was done. I have to try that again later. If you like the show you should check out the ABC website for it. I linked to the music section. Awesome. If your are slightly on the nerdy side as I am you may also enjoy the Podcasts they have there. I love them.

I am working on finding ideas to put a little more romance into my relationship with The Mrs. She pointed out yesterday that we aren’t as romantic with each other as we used to be. This is to be expected. We had quite a few nice chats yesterday and I think we both feel better about the situation. I also cried 3 times because; well that is who I am. So I am finding little ideas of things to do for her, dates to go on and things to make. One idea I really loved, but it is one of those things that will take a long time to finish. I will share it though after it is done. It is hard sometimes being in a long-term relationship. You get so used to seeing the same person everyday that sometimes you forget to show them how much they mean to you or how much you love them being there. So we’ll work on that.

I have also been listening to the Feast of Fools podcast which can be found on iTunes. I heard about it from Steve. I think it is pretty hilarious. I need to stop trying to listening to it at work though because it is just not work appropriate.

I also want to thank everyone who had kind words for me the last couple days. It made me feel a lot better and I am still hoping to make it there. Thank you!

I have been experience ennui these last few days. I need something to pull me out of it. I have not felt like writing because really I don’t feel like I have anything worth while to say. March is almost over and I feel like such a failure. I promised myself that I would try as hard as I could and not give up and that I would make it. I don’t think I am going to make it. I am scared to fail at this. It isn’t like anything bad is going to happen if I don’t make my March goal, in fact it is rare for a new consultant to make all 3 months worth of goals. It is just…I have never ever won anything in my life. I have never excelled at anything. I am mad at myself for not doing more. I’m just…I am in a terrible, sad mood. Most of you know I am an emotional person, but today it is just ridiculous. I keep thinking about things and welling up. I wish I could be at home with The Mrs. She would make me feel like everything is going to be alright.

I was going to spend money myself to help make the goal, but my credit card got declined this afternoon while picking up lunch so that is clearly out of the question. I still have a week, but I don’t think I am going to get there. I wish for once I could be really good at something. I wish I was the kind of person who was able to get their name in newsletters. I know it sounds stupid and meaningless, but just once I want that.

The Mrs. won an award at school. She didn’t tell me about it until recently and I am worried that she just didn’t want to make me sad. It didn’t at all. I would never get sad at her accomplishments. I am extremely proud of her. She is getting inducted into some sort of honor society. I do not know too much about it at this point. I am hoping to be able to take some time off of work so that I can go with her to the ceremony. She rocks.

I am supposed to get my letter from ESU telling me their answer sometime in the next 10 days. I keep running it through my head that they aren’t going to let me in. That they will decline my application. Around here and in general I suppose ESU is not viewed as a very good school. It is local though, which is why The Mrs. goes there. That is why I want to go there. If I went anywhere else I would have to move. I would be humiliated if I wasn’t able to go there. I know that I should be thinking positive, but this week I just can’t.

I am always positive and delighted and right now I don’t feel that way. I also don’t feel like giving off the illusion of happiness. I don’t have that kind of strength to make the effort. There is a bright side. If I don’t make my last months of goals nothing happens. I just continue my new career like before. It just matters to me. It matters to me so much. Sometimes you have things to prove to yourself. Like that I am not worthless. That I am not a failure. That I can do great things as well.

I wanted it so bad…

It is kind of nice to be back at my desk after a weekend away. I wish I could say that my weekend felt more like time off, but it really didn’t.

I went to the club to see the drag show and I had a really great time. One of the performers had a drag name that was exactly the same as my friend Ariana’s real name. Even the last name. Hahaha! I thought that was so hysterical. I had 4 drinks and felt a little tipsy. I danced and I almost did Karaoke, but I would have needed another drink and some more time. All in all it was a great night and I am glad I got to spend some much needed time out with friends. I got home at 1:30 and was asleep by 1:45.

Saturday I had my party so I got up early and went to breakfast with my parents. I pumped myself full of coffee, picked up my materials from the office and I went to the gas station to claim a table and get to work. I wanted to decorate my new cards so they looked nice and polished. At about noon I got a call that Megan (My sister-in-law who was having that party) had been trying to reach me. So I gave her a call and it turned out that not enough people were able to come so she was calling me to cancel. She still wanted to get orders though and had people who were interested so she was going to turn it into a catalog party. I wasn’t mad about her I just really needed that party to try to make my goal and get another party in for this month which is now impossible. I was so nervous about getting everything ready in time and after the call was over The Mrs. came to the table to see what was wrong and I just started crying. She got me to calm down and told me that everything would be alright. She ended up taking me out to dinner in Wilkes Barre at Olive Garden and we also went to Old Navy and Barnes & Noble. We were going to go to the mall, but it was far too crowded.

So I am still very stressed about my goal. I don’t think I am going to make it. If you want to help me try you can breeze right over to my Body Shop page for more information. I just need $900 more in orders. Is that really so much? I am running low on some of my stuff so I might be placing an order today.

On Sunday I woke up early because my cousin and I were going to go to the laundry mat. The Mrs. and I don’t get the chance to do laundry very often because we are busy during the week and her parent’s have strict rules about laundry. So I had 8 garbage bags full. It took a long time to get done and I got home at 3. Then I cuddled with The Mrs. I got stressed and ended up crying again, but she made me feel better about that and the rest of the day went good. I thought Grey’s Anatomy was a repeat, but it wasn’t! It was new!

Let’s talk about Grey’s Anatomy. I heard that one of the interns is leaving this season and it HAS to be Alex. If any of the other interns left I would be really upset. I am attached to the rest of them. If Alex left not only would I be fine with it. I would be happy. I really hate Alex and I think they might be trying to make him really unlikable so that it won’t matter when he is gone. It can’t be anyone else. Can it? Who do you think it is? I hope Denny does not die. That would be so sad. I can’t stand the way Alex talked to George. I LOVE George! I would so marry George. Alex is shit. I have also recently discovered the Grey’s Anatomy Podcasts on the ABC website. I am very happy about that. I subscribed to them on my iTunes. Yay!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!

I did not remember it was any sort of holiday until I turned on Good Morning America and they were all wearing green and drinking green milkshakes. I also realized a few minutes ago that since I am going to a gay bar tonight with some friends that I am going to a bar on ST. PATRICK’S DAY. That is so unlike me. I can’t wait though. I might even have more than one drink! Did I mention I am going out tonight? Because I am! Me! I am going out with two of my older straight married friends to a gay bar. They actually invited me. Donna (not my high school Donna) is 31 and she has 4 children ranging from 2 - 14 in age. Sally is also 31 and has a 13 year old daughter. I met them both at one of my old jobs and we never see each other anymore so I really can not wait! Back to ST PATRICK’S DAY: I am also not wearing green because I am not Irish at all, but I am going to eat a Ruben for lunch because I do like to participate some what. To bad German’s do not have a nationally celebrated holiday though on second though that is most likely for the best. I think we have done enough. So…Bring on the corned beef! Bring on the green beer! Bring on the strange locals with light up pins that say “Kiss me I’m Irish” and only 3 blacked teeth! Yes, I do think I have talked this topic to death onto what I really want to discuss with you.

WHAT IS SO FUNNY?

There is something that annoys me about people who are trying to be funny. A lot of times people tell me things I say or write are funny and that is so surprising to me because I always think they will only be funny to me. So a lot of times I will write things just because I think they are very humorous, but I never write things intentionally to be funny. I think there is something so…risky I guess about that. There is something very vulnerable about writing for an intentional laugh and then realizing that no one else finds humor in it.

Jim Carey and Will Ferrell get on my nerves so much because everything they do just seems to be to get a laugh. Not that there is anything wrong with making people laugh, but their formula does not work on me. I hate all of that in-your-face stuff that they do. I don’t like jokes that are so obvious. It seems like they are slapping you in the face with the joke. I love watching an episode of Gilmore Girls for the 3rd time and finally understanding a joke I had missed the other times. I love Cristina on Grey’s Anatomy with her dry comments. I love Dr. Bailey’s meanness. I find that sort of thing very funny.

I also love Toothpaste for Dinner and Natalie Dee comics. I like that they sometimes don’t make sense to me, because I know there is an inside joke there meant only for the artist. I am also thrilled when I find a very personal humor in something they make that perhaps is not what they had in mind. I think it is fun when jokes are open to interpretation.

You know on Friend’s and Will & Grace when they have the big jokes and the laugh track has a roaring audience response. Those are not the jokes I like best. I like the jokes that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. I will say though that my favorite character on Friends was Joey and I know that he got most of the silly jokes. He played the role in a way that didn’t make them seem so obvious though. There was sincerity to him. Likewise, my favorite character on Will & Grace is Karen. She got a lot of the in your face jokes, but she also had a mannerism that I find very funny. I was also so amused the first time I ever saw the show because The Mrs. turned to me and said “That’s you!” and she did say and do a lot of the things I do and I thought that was hysterical. For the longest time even my aunt and my cousin would sometimes call me Karen if I was being particularly bitchy.

So it isn’t like I have a problem with humor. It is that certain kind of joking that really gets under my skin. I also hate jokes that you might get in your e-mail box. That kind of joke that plays into stereotypes and prejudice. I can’t take it anymore with those jokes! Can we please remove them from our lives? If I never read or hear another one for my entire life I will be happy. Yesterday I was looking for a funny marriage quote to put into my entry and all I found was really sad dismal things about how awful people’s lives are when they are married. Things about how husbands can’t stand their wives and wives can’t stand there husbands. What is funny about that? Perhaps it is just me, but if you are unhappy with who you are married to then get a divorce. I can not imagine a life with someone who does not love me or care for me or value my opinion. I just can’t. How do people live like that? Why do people live like that? I just don’t know. This is the site that got me thinking like this. (There are more here.) Is that funny to you? If so why?

Kimberly & Hanna

Originally uploaded by SparklieSunShine.

I just uploaded a lot of pictures onto Flickr like I promised. It also seems I used my months uploads so I have to wait until next month to put up more. I really should get the pay account. That is next! This one is The Mrs holding my neice Hanna. I made it a little pink because I like pink.