So I didn’t tell you guys about this because I wasn’t sure how it would go and now I am at the end of my first week and I am not doing so hot.

I guess I should explain what it is I am doing. I decided that I would start a series of projects for myself. The first project I am embarking on is called The Money Project. (The will all be called The (Something) Project.) So it began last Thursday June15, 2006. Here are the guidelines/goals for this project:

• To spend as little money as possible.
• No impulse purchasing. All things must be thought out at least two days in advance. This includes items from The Body Shop,
• Keep track of all purchases.
• Have a considerable amount in savings by the end of the month.
• If first month is completed the project will go into a second month to continue progress and also avoid backsliding.
• Other projects planned may begin during this project, but might not be announced until a later date.

So those are the guidelines for now. I might add onto them at anytime, but I doubt I will be retracting anything. Part One of the project will end on July 15th.

Here are the reasons I don’t feel like it is working:

• I feel like one of those crazy addicted shopaholics that you see on news programs. I actually feel jittery today about not being able to buy things. Make-up is on sale!! I want a new face care line!!! Make-up!!!
• I feel like a complete mooch b/c my meals have been at the expense of either my parent’s or The Mrs. and that really isn’t how I intended this to go.
• Did I mention actual withdrawal symptoms? I didn’t think I was this bad.
• I had to spend $160 in items I accidentally spent on products I owed to customers on Friday.
• I didn’t make as much as I expected at Saturday’s party and I had to use ½ of it to buy a new foot line for my upcoming parties.
• I just wish I was better at this whole money thing.

Reasons it might be working:

• I haven’t spent anything unnecessary yet!

I’ll keep you posted.

I have been thinking about why people don’t like admitting how old they are or why they are afraid of hitting a certain age. I wonder if it’s really about the age itself or something else entirely. I think sometimes society pressures us to feel upset about getting older and thus we naturally start to feel sadness or embarrassment about our age. Just looking at the birthday cards they are selling and you’ll see how negatively it is looked at. It’s sometimes hard to find a card that doesn’t make fun of getting old. The other possibility is that our age can sometimes show our shortcomings. I started to think about this because my birthday is coming up in exactly one month from today and for the first time in my whole life I am looking at it with a bit of dread.

The whole time I was growing up I saw getting older as being so exciting. I always said to myself that I would never be ashamed of my age. Even when I am 50 I was to be thrilled about getting to 50 years old and I want to celebrate it. Does the problem with age happen when we don’t get what we want from life? Does being 50 show some of us how far away we have gotten in life still missing the things we want most? That is a bit how I feel. I am turning 22, which is still very young, but old enough that it is looked at with a little more respect. I am just scared. There are things that I want that I am so far away from at this point that I am scared I will never get to them.

Nearly every night I have been having dreams about getting pregnant and having children and it’s really starting to get on my nerves. Perhaps it is because I try not to think about it as much as possible while I am awake that after I fall asleep it becomes a sort of free-for-all. I just really don’t want to think about children anymore. I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing me talk about wanting them and I am too. It just makes me so sad. I have all of these goals set up for myself before I can have children and I am not even close to achieving any of them. Do you remember what they are? College Degree, Job, House. I sort of have one out of three, but those other two? Not even close.

It’s just hard for me to deal with right now and I am turning 22 and how can I be 22 and still be doing this? How can I be 22 and not be any further along than I was when I graduated high school? I just don’t know. I feel like a failure sometimes and I don’t want to feel that way. Should I reset my goals?

I feel like I need to relax and trust that even though this isn’t the life I pictured for myself it isn’t bad at all. I like my jobs and I do have a place to stay. Everything is going to be alright. Who know what this next year may bring? It could be fantastic. I need to stop worrying about what I don’t have and focus on what I do have.

On a different note it seems my review is in and it was a good one! I’m glad you liked it honey.

Years and years ago (I was about 7 years old.) I was watching TV with my oldest brother and some of his friends when the screen went black and then it flashed red and went back to a black screen with red writing that said “Satan loves you. Satan cares about you. Now go and kill your parents.” Then it flashed a little agian and went into commercials. We all looked at each other like, what on earth was that? I would have thought I imagined the whole thing if there hadn’t been other people with me. Did anyone else see this or anything similar? All I can think is that someone working at a local station was messing with it. Back then I thought it was a message from the devil himself. I still didn’t heed it’s demand though. Go me!

I haven’t been writing much, I know. It’s not even that I don’t have anything to say. I have tons and tons to say, always. At least in my head. I just don’t want to bore you with all of my inner turmoil and trying to find my lost sense of joy. Because I am sure you’re getting tired of it and believe me, I live here, and I am way tired of it.

I haven’t been the same person since I had to leave my second apartment and I moved back in with The Mrs. and her family. Some of you may remember my old bedroom… It was so easy for me to be happy in the house with all of my beautiful things. It has been over a year since I moved out and all of my boxes are still at my parent’s house. I never unpacked. I don’t know why, but I just can not deal with it. I keep trying to find an apartment for myself, but everything around here is so expensive. I also am not very fond of getting more roommates and I wouldn’t know who to live with anyway. I keep trying to change myself and I keep failing. I keep trying to connect with old friends and it isn’t working. The friends I do have I think are becoming bored with me. I’m not the Angela that they knew. Sometimes I am worried that my sadness and my discontent will start to wear on The Mrs. and she won’t want me anymore. I worry because she is off making herself successful and meeting other women who are smart and successful and I can’t compete with them. Sure I run my own business, but I am struggling with it because calling people and recruiting are so out of my element. I’m just not doing so well right now, internet.

Besides everything I touched on earlier in this entry I am in a pretty good mood today compared to the past few days. Woohoo! My sinus thing seems to be clearing up. (I was also sick) My period came and went. I plan on updating about the natural menstruation products next month because I realize you can only handle so much talk about my women parts at a time. See, I am so thoughtful! Today is going to be pretty ordinary. I don’t have anything planned at all besides working and then not working. I was thinking about doing The Laundry, but I really don’t have the money to go to the laundry mat. I think I might take a load to my parent’s house and do it. Hopefully I will be able to get all of The Laundry done on Friday night. I am hoping that they soon invent a machine that you put clothing into and 30 seconds later it comes out clean and fresh. I mean come on, it is 2006!! Making a machine that washing 16 pairs of jeans just is not going to cut it. I want something that cleans instantly. Do you know what else we need? A safe solution (perhaps chemical?) that you pour over garbage that causes it to disintegrate. How great would that be? So helpful. We could also use it on those landfills! It would also have to be really safe so that it doesn’t hurt the environment. Perhaps it could also be a fertilizer of sorts so after it gets rid of the garbage it will make the grass and trees healthier. Alright all of you scientists make it happen!

Do you want to know what show I can not get enough of? It only seems to be on late at night right before I go to sleep, but it is this show about this family with a ton of children. This show is a complete train wreck. It’s so insane and sort of awful and you just can not look away. They are the Duggars and they have 16 children. They appear to be trying to fund their family by making these crazy specials. It isn’t a series, just a bunch of crazy specials. For example: 16 Kids and moving in, On the Road with 16 Children, and Raising 16 Children. I can’t get over it. It doesn’t stop there all 16 children have names that start with J. This includes, Joy-Anna, Johannah, Jana, Jinger, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, and Josiah. I’m not kidding. They play the shows on TLC and Discovery Health. If you have the chance to watch one I highly suggest it. Perhaps we can talk to each other about it all exasperated like. I hate the children’s names so much that I decided to make a list of 16 children’s names (10 boys, 6 girls) that I think are better still using all Js. I also found that the letter J starts to look really stupid after a while. I will say that some of the names are fine.

Here is how it goes: The Child’s real name - the J name I choose

1.) Joshua - Joshua
2.) Jana - Julia
3.) John-David - Johnathan
4.) Jill - Jillian
5.) Jessa - Jessica
6.) Jinger - Jacqueline
7.) Joseph - Joseph
8.) Josiah - Jacob
9.) Joy-Anna - Joy
10.) Jedidiah - Jordan
11.) Jeremiah - Jeremy
12.) Jason - Jason
13.) James - James
14.) Justin - Justin
15.) Jackson - Jack
16.) Johannah Faith - Jezebel (I also realise how some religous people feel about this name so it could be changed to Jennifer.)

I also want to point out that I didn’t make that list to be bitchy. One of my favorite things to do when I was younger was name things and make lists of names. Every single stuffed animal and doll I owned had a first and a middle name. Aren’t I fun?

Last night on Discovery Health they had this special called Multiple Miracles. It was about this Australian couple, who were quite young, and they had 5 children under the age of 3 and she was about to deliver her 2nd set of quads!! What? How?! They ended up losing one baby so they ended up with 8 kids under 3 and then they were talking about how they would like to have a few more. They said 12 sounds like a good number. I can’t imagine having more than 3. How will they pay for anything? Insane. Really. Aren’t you glad you’re sitting down? I am.

Oh! I also fixed my reading page. Up there on the top right? (Or if you’re computer screen is smaller than mine it will be on your bottom right.) I wanted to make it look a little more neat so instead of the titles I linked the authors. I am also going to be working more on my pages today.

I think this is really funny. You put your name and needs into a google search and you list the first 10 things listed without any duplicates. Heather did it here.

Angela needs:

• a parent who uses humor.
• help!
• prayers.
• a bitchslap, she’s too defiant.
• a family who will access and work with a therapist who understands the challenges ahead.
• her coffee.
• to possess the essential.
• one more final surgery to remove the large tumor.
• therapy!
• to find her way to the gate.

I am really interested in other people. I am interested in the way they think and feel and live. That is most likely why I enjoy reading online journals so much. I get to peek into people’s lives. I also enjoy talking about myself which is why I have an online journal in the first place. There are actually a few reasons why I make the choice to journal online.

1.) I have a terrible memory and it is nice to have an archive which I can look back at and remember things that would have otherwise been forgotten.
2.) I enjoy it and it gives me something to do while I am at work.
3.) It is one of the few things I have been able to keep up with for a long period of time. (I have had on online journal since December 3, 2003.)
4.) I like getting feedback from other people.

So I thought I thought it might be nice to get some input on other people on there favorite memories and then I would write about mine. I only got two submissions, but that is enough to make me happy. I am going to put them here with links to those people’s websites and also my own.

My happiest memory

My happiest memory actually spans an entire week, the week that The Mrs. and I went to Disney World on vacation together. I thought about this quite a lot because I wasn’t sure if I wanted my favorite memory to be one including my wife, but when it comes down to it there is no other time I look back on more fondly than that week. The whole week just felt happy and magical. I felt like we could really be a couple for the whole week and no one cared. If I had to pinpoint a specific time during that trip that was my favorite it would be when we had dinner at the California Grill. It’s funny because The Mrs. didn’t even really like it there. It was a fancier restaurant and she likes simple food. Anyway, I made reservations about 2 months in advance for while the fireworks would be going off. The restaurant is at the top floor of one of Disney’s resorts and has a perfect view of Magic Kingdom. I wanted us to have a great view of them so I asked if we could have a window table. She said it would be about a 45 minute wait and by then we might miss the fireworks. We decided to risk it because 45 minutes really isn’t a big deal. Then we went out on the balcony and we were just enjoying the view and each other’s company. It was windy, but not to cold and the lights flickered in that beautiful way they tend to when you are looking over a city.

It has only been about 5 minutes when the hostess came out to let us know a window table had become available. We took our seats and right outside our window was the Magic Kingdom. Our waitress turned out to be Sondra Oh! Well…not the Sondra Oh, but she looked almost exactly like her! The Mrs. hates it when I tell people that, but I am not being racist. She had the same body and face shape and eyes, and hair. Everything! Plus if you know Sondra Oh you know that she has a pretty unique look. So I was excited about that. We also had the dining plan so even though it was an expensive restaurant we had the meal paid for and we only needed to pay for alcohol and extra food. We decided to eat things we wouldn’t normally try so we got this fancy cheese tray that I thought was really fun and I tried a few wines. The fireworks started during dinner and they actually played the show in the restaurant. It was just so beautiful and so flawless…there is no one I would have rather shared that experience with. Our conversation flowed and I wish we could do it all again. It really made me appreciate my life and the person who I have been given the opportunity to share it with me.

Hopefully we’ll be able to go back there and experience it again.

Stephen:

It was toward the beginning of my sexual realization, which would forever change the relationships I’d, up until that point, maintained. After a long semester of mediocre grades and failed attempts at passing college gym, I had decided to stick around for summer school. The few people who had decided to stay also were not people to whom I was especially close. However, the close quarters and deserted campus gave us plenty of opportunity to bond. By the time Memorial Day weekend hit, we had decided it would be fun to get a cabin. So, eight of us trekked out to the back woods of Ozark Mountain and, amidst the redwood trails and redneck trailers, we found a campground, rural enough to make us feel like we were roughing it yet not entirely neglecting our urban needs for electricity and indoor plumbing. And cheap, too. The eight of us were divided equally – four boys and four girls. My friends Kelcie and Joelle were there. The three of us were rarely seen apart. Arla had come along. She was a quiet girl I’d not had the pleasure of getting to know until that summer but was good friends with Kelcie. Rebekah came. She’d been friends with us all since freshman year, and she brought her fiancé, Amit, and his brother, Premal. And then there was JJ. We don’t know why we were friends with him, and don’t know why we are friends with him now. He is from Austin, Texas and very weird. I don’t really know how to describe him except the Texas thing. If you’ve ever been to Austin, you’d know the type of socially inept enigmas that come from there. Anyway, all that to say that once we arrived there, the arguing began. JJ spent too much money on food. The girls didn’t want to go hiking. The Indian boys wanted to nap. Arla wanted a campfire. Joelle and Kelcie wanted to go swimming. Stephen wanted quiet. (That’s me) It was just a mess. Finally, we agreed to go rafting. It was a unanimous decision, but the tension was still thick. Along the river we broke off into groups of twos and threes and maligned one another in bitter hushed tones. When we got to the end of the river, I thought it would be funny to flip Arla’s raft over. She thought it was JJ, so she flipped him over. He got mad and started splashing her but ended up getting Joelle wetter than anyone else. This made her mad and she retaliated and before I knew it, everyone was soaking wet and yelling at one another. It was like a scene from a movie in which utter pandemonium breaks loose but is then punctuated with a chuckle that infects the group one by one until the angry shouting has become an eruption of amused laughter. Only that was not the case. Our climactic scene ended in six people stalking off madly in six different directions. By that time, the sun had set and a cool night breeze was creeping through the air. JJ and I decided to build a fire because it was getting cold and, well, that’s what you do whilst camping. So, we did and soon it was roaring there outside the cabin. Premal, Becky, and Amit came out and sat with us on logs around the fire. Then Kelcie and Joelle joined us, and finally Arla came out with her guitar and started to play. The rest of us sang along quietly and there, the fire casting an orange glow on our faces and the sound of singing sloughing off the day’s disagreements, looking around to the faces of people who were truly friends, reveling in the independence of a vacation sans parents, and basking in the feeling of warm dry clothing after being wet and water-logged is one of the happiest moments in my memory.

Blakely:

My girlfriend, Jennifer, and I knew that we both took those “I love you” words very seriously when we began our relationship last year. We had been together about 4 months when I decided that I knew for sure that I wanted to tell her. We had been shopping at Borders books in Oklahoma City one day when I just couldn’t contain myself anymore. We were sitting in my car chatting and being kissy, you know, all kinds of cutesy stuff when I just sat back and smiled really big, then blurted out “I love you!” I of course then panicked that she wasn’t going to say it back when she kissed me before saying “I love you too!” hehehe. I decided that was my happiest moment because it was when everything finally lined up. I have awesome family, great friends, I love my school, and I have this beautiful girl who loves me as much as I love her. Now that we live together, I smile when I think about that day and what a silly and cute beginning it was for our lives together. =)

THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1.) So I am at work this morning and someone come to pick up a key because they need to get into one of the homes we monitor. I can not find said key. Finally I realize that I am not going to find they key. It’s just not there. My boss is out of town so I have to ask one of my co-workers what I should do. He gets pissed and tells me that I need to find it because it is my job to keep track of the keys and he has nothing to do with it. So I think, great. I have already looked everywhere, but he tells me to find it so I start looking again and I am mad that he yelled at me. Then finally he calls my boss to see if he knows where the key is. Low and behold my boss has the key with him. He forgot to put them back in the cabinet. Then my co-workers tells me and he is now made that my boss has it and I have to tell the customer that it isn’t in which turns out to not even be a big deal.

The thing that annoys me about this is that I got yelled at and basically accused of not doing my job when the whole time I didn’t do anything wrong. Then I don’t get anything close to an apology and my coworker jus leaves. Great.

2.) Being stuck inside on a gorgeous day and knowing that once The Mrs. gets done with work it will be dark outside.

3.) Cold hands. Brr!

HOMEWORK

Tuesday I gave everyone an assignment because, well I am like that and I just wanted to let you guys know I am posting them Monday so I can still post yours if you get it to me by Monday morning. Exciting stuff I know. Woohoo!

YOU THINK IT’S ABOUT MONEY AND THEN IT’S ALL ABOUT MY VAGINA!

I want you to know something about me. I sometimes spend money compulsively when there is no one around to tell me why my purchase may or may not be a good idea. I am very good at convincing myself that it is a good idea to buy things. I also have a screwed up sense of how much is a lot. For instance $179 feels to me like a lot of money, however $239 does not. (I don’t know.) So last night while I was at home cleaning I had my credit card by the desk and I realized that I needed to buy my 10 mini Body Butters before the month ended or else I would lose my ability to get them. So I went and bought them.

Then I was about to continue cleaning when I noticed a Bitch magazine turned backside up on the desk. The whole back cover was an ad for Lunapads with an offer of $10 off your purchase when you subscribe to Bitch online. Well I was going to subscribe anyway so I thought, why not? I went online subscribed and got the offer in my inbox. I went to the Lunapads site and began looking around at the products.

INTERUPTION FOR THE BACK STORY

The Mrs. has been trying to get me to stop using tampons for years now. She thinks they are harmful to women’s bodies and I actually completely agree with her. However, if you want to turn me into a complete bitch you will take away my tampon and give me a disposable pad. They are uncomfortable, smelly and gross. So I was sticking with the tampons. I also can not wear just any tampons because (bear with me) slip out a bit no matter what I do. So I use Tampax Pearl. Which are considered the best tampons to buy, but they are also more expensive. They box I buy cost $17.99 and lasts a few months. Plus, being who I am, I have heavily researched tampons and there is a lot of evidence showing that they are indeed very unsafe and really is that so hard to believe? It’s bleached fibers that you are shoving up your vagina! There is also substantial evidence showing that disposable pads are also harmful due to all of the chemicals they use and they are just a pain to wear.

Stay with me here. I know that a lot of you are going to think this is gross, but it’s not. I already planned a while ago that I am going to use cloth diapers with my children because they are safer and also don’t contribute to waste. I realized then just how much waste is also made by menstrual products. That is why I took the plunge. I also decided that if I was going to do this I was going to do it all the way and not turn back so I was going to need a lot of them. (If you are a girl and you decide to try them you don’t need to lose your mind like I did. You can buy just a few. It also depends on how often you do The Laundry. Did I mention they are cute? Well they are. That is why I chose this company. It is a small company run by a few women and they pay attention to detail and cuteness.)

AND WE’RE BACK!

So I had my $10 off coupon code and I was browsing the site. I also noticed that due to Mother’s Day they were giving away a free Lunablend with your $50 purchase. Lunablend is apparently a nice smelling oil for your skin. Well if other people are getting it then I want it. Also one of their collections was $10 off and one thing started to lead to another.

Here is what I bought:

• 7 Day Teeny Pantyliner Kit I chose the mixed prints.
• The DivaCup (Yes. I hate that name too.)
• The Lunapads Deluxe Kit I got this whole kit in purple stardust because the sample looked so pretty.
• Lunablanket (I might explain that one to you on a later date.) In anycase I got it in blue celestial.

After I paid and continued putting away laundry I began to worry about the possible ramifications of my huge splurge. What would The Mrs. say? I thought I made a bad decision. So I decided to print out all the testimonials (27 pages) they had received and read them all. After that I felt much better about my choice and even more so I thought these products may be perfect for The Mrs. also. When she got home we had a little discussion about it. She was shocked at how much I spent, but not mad at all. She was actually a little annoyed that I used so much ink when she was running low. Oops! I didn’t know it was low. I told her about the testimonials and she was actually very interested and curious to see them by the end of the night. They should be in by next Wednesday.

That is such an extreme amount of money to spend on pads and the Frank Gehry collection just launched at Tiffany. It’s a limited edition collection and I really wanted to own a piece. Now I can’t afford it. Someone tell me I made a good choice! They are supposed to last 3 – 5 years so really in the long run I will be saving a lot and they are a lot better for my body.

Today I am reading every single thing they have on there Resources and articles page because I want to be very informed and confident in my choice and I also want to be able to answer any questions I get about this choice. (A bit unrelated, but I changed my New Toys category to Shopping because I couldn’t bring myself to file these under toys.)

I am turning into such a hippie. Just wait until I have kids. Haha.

What do you guys think? Have any of the women viewing this site ever used these products?

I have more to say, but I think this post has gone on long enough. I am getting in touch with a woman I know who uses them and I plan on doing a follow-up post on all of this.

HERE IS A TREAT FOR BEARING WITH ME

CURIOSITY

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