ON MY CHASTITY

Me (reading Oprah Magazine): It says here only 9% of women decide to wear a colored dress when they get married. That surprises me because I want to wear a red dress and I don’t think that is too odd.
My Mom: What?
Me: I want to wear red when I get married.
My Mom: Well I guess you might as well since you didn’t save yourself.

FUTURE PLANS

My Mom: So what are you’re plans for today? Are you doing alright?
Me: I’m fine. Just working here all day. That’s it.
My Mom: I mean your plans for tonight.
Me: Actually, It’s my friend’s little sister’s 18th birthday and I said I would go with them to the porn store. That’s not till later though so we could do something tonight.
My Mom: Where?!
Me: The porn store, you know the adult outlet.
My Mom: I’m sorry I asked.

P.S. - I will probably explain what has been/is going on, but you’ll need to give me a while. Thanks. You’re all so sweet.

So I don’t really feel like updating, but what is the point of having a website if you don’t update when things are actually going on? The answer to that is: I don’t know.

Things are just not going well in Angela land so keep updating all of you. That way I can live vicariously for a while.

UPDATE: May 31, 2007 @ 9:07 am - Just so the internet knows I had a weird energy/diet bar for breakfast. I also tried to change the password on my email account and ended up locking myself out of it. Which has been interesting.

Title: “Breathe Me” by Sia

I’m watching my usual Boy Meets World this morning while getting dressed for work because everyone needs to learn those life lessons that Mr. Feeny has to offer.

The show cuts to commercials and eventually a commercial comes on for a furnature store called Rosen’s. Here is a little snip bit of our conversation.

The Mrs: I think I’m going to apply there.
Me: Really? Um, you know if you work there you will have to hassle people into buying furnature.
The Mrs: You do not have to hassle people. You just have to sell things…and anyway that’s why I’m not going to apply there.

1. I cooked dinner last night! I made Broccoli Garlic Pasta as found on Suburbanbliss.com. I am attempting to use some of Melissa’s recipes are recieved well by her very picky children and husband that “don’t like anything that has flavor”. I am cooking for The Mrs. who is also very picky and mainly enjoys Rice & Beans which are the one thing I can really make. I really enjoyed this even with the pine nuts, which I thought I would hate. The Mrs. rated it a 7 so that means it is something I will be making again and it was really easy to cook. Hoorah! I am attempting to grocery shop so we can eat more at home now. It’s way too expensive to eat out every night. I’ll post more recipes (or links to them) as I make more. I had a half a chicken breast with my pasta and a salad.

2. Last night (during sex) The Mrs. bribed me to put the rest of the pictures on Flickr because I keep forgetting to do so. I won’t go into details because you don’t want to know me that well. I will say that it does involve sex and those picture are up today. Make what you want from that. She mainly wanted them up because I have pictures of her brand new tattoo taken a little over a week ago. It’s an orchid, which I think is lovely. I am so excited for her. She hated the old tattoo from day so I am thrilled that she has a cover-up that she loves.

3. Do you know about my history with Vanilla Coke? It was the beverage that changed my life. It became my black tar heroin of the drinking world. It was my crack people. If I could have crystalized vanilla coke, put it in a crack pipe and smoked it I very well might have. Over a year ago on this very website I woefully cried out when they ceased production of the drink and I could no longer buy it.

Here is an excert from that very entry:

While I am on the subject of edible things I would marry, I was in the grocery store the other day and we were walking by the sodas and guess what was not there? Vanilla Coke. VANILLA COKE! VANILLA COKE was NOT THERE!!!!!! I have been hearing rumors about them not making it anymore, but I didn’t think it was true. I know I stopped drinking it about a year and a half ago and since then I have only been drinking one every month or two, but still! I was amazing! Never before has a beverage made its way into my heart like that. It isn’t like chocolate where I want it like crazy for about two days a month. My passion for Vanilla Coke has long stood the test of time. Chocolate and I we are hot and heavy with each other for those two days, but two days do not make a marriage work. We all know that it would end in a messy divorce. Not Vanilla Coke and I. We are lifelong partners. It was my life force. If I was down, it would pick me up. When I was happy, it gave me an extra boost. When I was depressed, it was there with me. Now all of that is gone. Life isn’t going to be the same with out it.

I should really just let my inner crazy take the wheel for a while and write the Coca Cola Company a letter about it.

Then I actually did write a letter to the Coca Cola company. I’m sure it was ill recieved as it was peppered with explatives and are you all insane’s. I never did get a response.

It has not been sort term either, this love of mine. I first mentioned it online in 2005.

Well do I have news for you! Today I got a call from The Mrs. saying that it was back. I made my way over to the local gas station and sure enough there it was in all it’s beautiful Vanilla Coke glory. It figures that this happened two weeks after I fully gave up soda. Oh well. One won’t hurt. I could not be more excited about this. Really. Perhaps I should write the Coca Cola company a thank you letter?

4. I am addicted to Etsy! I love seeing the new items on the Time Machine 2. It makes me wish I were crafty so that I could open my own special little shop. I also love buying crafts and this is just so perfect. I love it.

5. You will pretty much only ever see me wearing one type of skirt. Unless it is a warm summer day and I bring out one of my summer skirts. I finally found a skirt at Old Navy that fit me perfectly a few years ago. I bought 4 of them. One pair my then puppy now dog Sebastian ate the buttons off of so now I have 3 left. I rotate them frequently and thus they get heavy wear and washing. They are starting to suffer. The front of all of them is slightly discolored, they have a few various stains here and there and are all around not looking so good. I love these skirts. They have a perfect A line that actually suits me figure and they hit me just below the knees, which I enjoy.

Since this skirt Old Navy has lost their mind. They keep pushing pencil skirts in their plus size sections (um?) and also corduroy. I can’t possibly think of a worse fabric to cover my body in than stretch corduroy. Horrible. Oh, I’m sorry and jersey knit.Then they wonder why their sales are so bad in the plus size department. It isn’t because we don’t have money or want clothing. I just refuse to wear that kind of thing. I sincerely always try to dress my body in the best possible way to look nice. It certainly doesn’t always work, but I do always try. So anyway, they are now even going to stop selling plus sizes in store. So now instead of taking 20 items into the dressing room and coming out with 1 that looks good I’ll have to spend the money up front, try them on and then return them when they don’t fit. Great.

It’s not that difficult to figure out. Plus size clothing needs to be made of sturdy fabric, like denim. It also needs to come in at the waist and then fall away from the body at the bottom, such as an A line. Sure it’s not as trendy, but as long as it looks good I don’t care.

So I really don’t know what to do about the skirt situation. I know I desperately need more, but I want more of this exact skirt and they just don’t make it. Believe me, if I could sew I would get a whole bunch of different materials and whip up a wardrobes worth of this exact skirt. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I need help.

At least Gap Outlet and Old Navy still sell up to XXL in their regular sizes for tops. Otherwise I would really be in a bind as plus size tops don’t fit my too small bust and wider waist. Ugg.

Usually around the time of my birthday I get asked a lot about what I would like and various people say they have no idea what to get me. This always sounds crazy to me because I’m pretty happy with anything as long as I get to open it. I’m thrilled with gift wrap and ribbons. Really you could buy me a tube of Crest Pro Health in clean mint and a tube of lip gloss and I would be more than happy with that.

However, in the spirit of not being difficult I wrote up a list of things I might like to recieve as gifts and scanned it onto my computer. So for those of you who would actually buy me a present there you go and for the rest of you that are not into buying presents for people you know only through the internet perhaps this will give you ideas for your own list. (Boy, that was a long sentence.) My birthday is still more than a month away, July 19, but I wanted to get this posted well before then.

The image below is being hosted on Flickr and if you click it you will be able to read the various notes there with links to all the places I am mentioning. Woohoo! Birthdays are fun!

Small little update for you all. I am still losing my mind a bit, but I am finding that it doesn’t really matter. I don’t qualify (yet) to get into the Pre-Med program so I have to work really hard my Freshman year to get great grades. Then next year I will be able to transfer into the program if that is still what I want.

One good thing though is that the Coordinator of the Pre-Med program is going to be one of my teachers this fall. So I will have to talk to him and see what he says.

I scheduled for classes today. Here is what I am taking Fall 2007.

• Intro to Women’s Studies: 4-7pm Tuesdays
• Macroeconomics: 11am Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays (This is one I was just put in. I will be dropping it.)
• Intro to Biology I: 2pm Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays with lab on Mondays 9-11am
• Women and Politics: 1pm Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays
• Intro to Film Study: 7-10pm (The Mrs. took this and said she hated it so I may drop this also.

I am wait listed for Spanish I: 8am Mondays and Wednesdays and 10 Thursdays. Hopefully I get in so I will be able to drop Macro.

I also got my student ID which has a horrible picture of me.

Woohoo! I’m official now 100%. I paid my deposit and everything. I can’t believe it’s really happening.

I titled this entry questions because in it I ask so many. They are not rhetorical. I am loosing my mind. I know many bloggers hate advice. Bring on all the advice you have. I may not take it, but I will appreciate it because I am in the late stages of freaking out. Seriously!

Once the excitement wears off the overwhelming fear starts to crawl in. I am worried that I won’t be able to do it. I am scared that my dreams should remain just that, dreams. I know they always say you can do anything, but is that really true? Can I really do anything? I’m scared that I am going to try so hard to achieve the degree I want most, fail and lose everything. Should I really try to make it? Does everyone have these doubts?

How can a person who was lackluster at best during high school get a Medical Doctorate? Doesn’t that sound crazy to anyone else? I feel so embarrassed whenever I tell anyone that is what I really want to do. Mostly I shrug it off and say I’m not sure what I want to major in.

I know what I want to minor in though, Women’s Studies and Art. I want to double minor. That isn’t scary to me. I am passionate about Women’s Studies and I have a deep desire to create things and even though I know nothing about art I figure that is what college is for; to teach me what I don’t know. Plus it doesn’t matter if there are artists in the class or those who are better than me. I’m not trying to be an artist. I’m just trying to create and enjoy learning.

I can’t do that with Pre-Med though. I can’t relax about it and enjoy learning even if people are smarter than me. It’s a big deal! I will not be able to get below a C to stay in the program. I have to keep my grade point average to 3.4 in all sciences. In science which really interests me, but that I am not good at. I need a 3.3 overall. I am pretty much terrified about what I am going to do, what I should do.

I am going to a meeting at the school Friday morning to schedule. I don’t have to declare a major for a while, but isn’t it a little better to pick one sooner than later so you can work on meeting those specific requirements? I would assume so.

I have also been considering what it takes to be a midwife or a doula. You need a medical degree for this, yes? Or at least it might be preferable to have one. In the future I would like to have my own OB/GYN clinic and I would like to have a small birthing center in the building also. One of my older brothers and I were born in a birthing center and my mom really loved it. She had four natural childbirths two in a hospital and two in a birthing center and she said the birthing center was so much better. I was born at 1:30 am and my dad delivered me. After I was born my mom took a shower and my dad held me and we both fell asleep. After my mom came back from her shower she fell asleep and we woke up the next morning and went home. I have also seen pictures of my birth and I am smiling the whole time. What baby smiles when they are being born?

I want to do that for other women. I want them to have positive birth experiences. I think it would be fun to host Lamaze/birthing classes in my center. I would enjoy doing classes on caring for your new baby. I want women to have positive experiences at the gynecologist. I’m not saying that you would enjoy it, but I want my patients to feel like I am really listening to them, not just writing them a prescription. I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I want to be able to make some changes. Oh and I’m sure that being a Doctor won’t hurt The Mrs. and I when we are trying to adopt.

I do have a passion for it and I am interested in the subject matter. I think hearing about cells and how the body works is really neat. I am just so scared to try and do it.

Do you think I should call a few gynecologists and see if I can set up a meeting to talk with them about their career and their schooling? Do people do that? I would really like to learn more.

It is a lot of school. It would be at least 9 years, but still I would only be 32 when I finish. That isn’t very old to be starting a business. My mom is in college right now. She is in her junior year and she is 51. I have a friend who just graduated and she is 64. So the age thing should not be an issue. Maybe being a little older than my classmates could be an advantage. I would have a little more life experience.

I don’t think it is possible for me to relax about this. How do people make such big decisions about their future without completely losing their shit? How did you know what you wanted to do? What was your dream job? Did you go for it? Are you happy with what you are doing now?

Perhaps if I actually took my anti-anxiety medication I wouldn’t need to breathe into a paper bag while trying to figure out what classes to take. Perhaps.

EDIT @ 3:32 pm -

I just spent about 3 hours creating schedules for my entire undergraduate career. This is what I have realized since doing so.

1. It is not a very good idea to try to double minor when the major you are interested in takes more credits than most other majors.

2. It is not advisable to minor in something you have no interest in pursuing as any type of career. In the entire span of a four year degree program it would cost about $12,000 to minor in something. That isn’t good when you think you also might be satisfied with a few $30 classes down at the A.C. Moore.

3. I decided that pursuing a minor in Art is not advisable.

4. I had no idea there were so many Biology classes.

5. I also had no idea there were so many words ending in ology that I have never heard before.

6. I need to take at least 2 classes to get to the math level of the math classes I need to take before I can take they physics classes I will need.

7. Making schedules for oneself can be soothing.

8. While I wait to hear the opinions of others I am going to redo my schedule for college sans the Art minor and also without the additional 9 Women’s Studies credits I somehow added on.