What does everyone think of my new theme? It’s nice and springy, yes? I feel like the bottom is sort of plain and I will definitely be changing some font colors.

We can’t seem to get author highlight to work so I guess you’ll have to look out for me.

I would love to hear honest opinions though. I’m going to miss the old one a bit, but I know…headache inducing redness.

I have final papers due and all that so I’m off. I’ll try and form a real entry soon, but you can still catch me in the comments.

You know that whole adage, like sometimes you forget you are so different until someone reminds you? I missed that 20/20 special on gay PDAs, I was supposed to tape it, but I forgot. I have heard various people talking about it and I have read some things online. I heard someone actually called the 911, they sent the police (who were in on the experiment, could you imagine if they weren’t?) and they told the couple to stop.

I guess I am kind of spoiled. I mean…I do live in a small town with a lot of hicks, but my family comes from that. We have lived here for several generations. When they see me they don’t see a lesbian. They see my parents daughter who happens to be “one of those gays”. I work in an office with my dad, mom and two other employees. So I don’t have to worry about coworkers attacking me or being held back from a promotion. (For now.) I go to college where students are generally more excepting and this is sort of a college/tourist area so people are more used to seeing lots of different people and for the most part it is more go with the flow. When we travel we go places like New York City, Philadelphia and Atlantic City.

I just think a lot of times I forget that a lot of people hate me just because of who I love.

This story struck me because I will admit that I take part in PDAs (public displays of affection) pretty frequently. I’m newly in love! I’m in a new relationship. It’s to be expected. Now I am not saying making out and fondling each other. We can all agree that we don’t want to see that from any couple. I am talking holding hands, head on shoulder in the movie theater, brief kisses. Once we started dancing in Wal-Mart, but it was in the middle of the night and I don’t think anyone minded. Some of those tunes out of the one thing that plays the various relaxation CDs and stuff are catchy!

Most of the time we have no problems at all. Once we were followed in Atlantic City, but I think that was more about getting money from me than us.

Really the only time I have had a problem was when I was 16 with the ex. We were in a local mall and a group of guys started following us and calling us homophobic slurs. They taunted us into a back alley of the mall, but luckily there was a door and we go out into the crowded parking lot to look for my parents. (who we couldn’t say anything to because they didn’t know I was gay then) That was my closest call and I don’t want to know what might have happened if we hadn’t found a way out.

Is this the sort of thing I am going to have to deal with my whole life? I suppose it is. I worry about how people will react once we are a family. I mean…some people (bigoted people) hate interracial families to begin with. We will be an interracial gay family.

I guess all I can do is remind myself that other people’s hatred is on them, not me. All I can do is live my life the best I can and continue to do what I think is right. I’ll just take things one day at a time.

Though, one thing that struck me was they did one of the PDA experiments in Alabama. Making out in Alabama? Are they crazy! I’m honestly surprised all they got was a 911 call. Gay people I know don’t even talk about Alabama, let alone go and make out there. I do like the movie Forrest Gump though.

So…I suppose that is what is on my mind for today. Being reminded that my relationship is different and still hated by many.

P.S. - Kasey was away for the weekend starting Friday morning, but she will be home tonight. Yay!!!!!

I feel like you guys haven’t gotten to see much of Tula. I lost the camera charger pretty much right after we got her. I love making movies and Kasey and I made a few of the bunnies to share with you guys. I know some of you coughkylecough don’t enjoy this sort of thing, but these bunnies are pretty much my favorite thing in my life.

Here is Penelope begging us to give her treats and being the mean parents we are we do not give in! That is, we don’t until after we finish the movie.

Now for Tula! Here is one that I made:

Here is one of Tula that Kasey made:

Woo! I love videos! I hope you like them too.

I have loved Tori Amos since my older brother lent me the Little Earthquakes tape when I was 8 years old. She is probably my first musical love and that is still my favorite album of all time.

That is probably why seeing this video and hearing out this music teacher and chorus TOTALLY made my day.

This morning I carpooled with my mom to go to college. (She takes classes at my school too) So I got in nice and early, grabbed a soda and went into the Women’s Center. I have sort of been avoiding it since my break-up because my ex has been working there, but it is early enough that she would not be here. The office was open so I slipped inside and I am now sitting at the office computer and looking around.

I am so excited to be working here soon. Did I mention that? I got a work-study for the summer (hopefully all 3 sessions) and all through next school year. It’s perfect because I can work in the Women’s Center between my classes and get my work done in that time also.

The thing I am most excited about is having the chance to redecorate. I really plan on sprucing things up and making it look more bright and inviting. A lot of the information and posters around here are old school suffragette and early wave feminist stuff. Now, while I definately think that has a place in the center and I am all for learning about women’s history I really want to bring the focus on women now. I think so many times it seems like the only women we that young women admire are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and that is far from the truth. I want to put strong women’s pictures up with their stories.

I also want a lot more diversity. I’m looking around and I don’t see much of that pictured. Feminism is for everyone and I really want to show that. I can’t wait.

Ever since I decided to make my goal being a Women’s Studies professor I have really felt at peace. I think this is what I have been wanting to do all along. I finally feel content with my goals and what I want to be doing.

Oh! I also was chosen to go to a Women’s Leadership Conference in June. It’s a week long and completely funded by my college. I’ll post more on that later.

It’s time for me to go to class. I’ll update more later.

This is still going on to. You can vote for me once every day. Voting ends on May 11th. It’s for the bunnies!

About my last entry…I’m such a downer sometimes, yeah? Sorry about that. So the two events I said I was going to go to were alright. The Earth Day bit was seriously tiny. Community on the Quad was interesting, but I am such an anxiety ridden nut job that I really didn’t look at much or participate in anything.

I bought Juno on Friday and I went over to my aunt’s house with Kasey to watch it with her and my uncle. I’m pretty dorky and I love hanging out with my aunt. Plus she is in her early 40s so she isn’t that much older than me. She’s more like an older sister.

Anyway so we watched Juno and she and my uncle really seemed to enjoy it. They both cracked up several times. These movie nights have been going really well. Last time we introduced them to Waitress. It’s fun trying to find movies my uncle will actually stay downstairs for. Both those fit the ticket. Next time I want to do 27 Dresses and I am 100% sure he won’t even make it through the opening credits. He couldn’t handle Rent or Brokeback Mountain either.

School is almost over guys! I only have two weeks left. It’s crazy. I feel like it flew by. I still have a lot of work to do. I have 3 more papers to do and plenty of reading. It’s fun though. I’m excited to see my final grades.

I am dying for these shoes! I have been wanting them since I discovered Simple’s Greentoe collection. They are pretty much the most eco friendly shoes you can buy. They don’t even make this color anymore. (IT’s more yellow than orange in case you were wondering. I asked.) They are normally $80, but these are only $40 something including shipping! I have to wait until Friday before I can even consider buying them. Boo. They have 18 days on them and 11 available so I am praying that I will still be able to get them. They are so comfortable. (I tried on a pair at Sneaker King.) I just adore them.

I am feeling better than I was the other day. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with things.

Sidenote: Purple buds on the trees! It looks like spring. The mountains look lovely again. I can’t wait until all the buds start to open up.

Another Sidenote: My feminist side freaking loved this tribute to Ms. Pac-Man.

We used to have fun. Didn’t we? I think I remember good times of just you and me. I would confess my thoughts and feelings to you and in reply you would say something encouraging. Remember that? Those were good days.

Remember when I felt like I could tell you anything? I used to go on and on about how vibrators make my vagina numb, but I buy them anyway and then don’t use them. Or about how excited I was to finally find a lube that didn’t make my vagina feel slimy and gross. Wasn’t that exciting? What about when I felt like I had things I couldn’t talk to anyone else about and I shared them with you and you patted me on the back and told me everything would be alright. That was nice.

I feel stuck lately, Blog. I keep thinking about getting rid of you or turning off comments to relieve the pressure, but I don’t think that is what I am looking for. Maybe it’s school…I don’t have a much time to devote to you and I certainly don’t get to go out and read new blogs and try and connect with new bloggers like I would like to. I do stay in contact with my regulars and that should feel like enough. I also haven’t been happy at work lately and money never seems to be enough.

My birthday is coming up and I thought I would be somewhere else right now. Not divorced and living in a room at my parent’s house with my new girlfriend. I need something more.

As usual, Blog, I don’t even know where I am going with this. Blogging often makes me feel like I can’t write. I have a terrible time with editing and grammar. Everyone seems more articulate than I am. Everyone seems funnier than I am.

When I am out with people joking and being myself they often say, “This is what you should be writing about”! It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I try to remember jokes and topics for you, but my memory sucks and I just can’t. Then when I do I worry it is going to offend someone and maybe I wouldn’t care if I had more people interested in you, but I don’t and I worry about offending the ones that are.

That’s silly though right? I mean, of course, people aren’t going to agree with me on everything. Why should they? I don’t agree with some of my favorite bloggers, but I don’t like them any less. I might not comment that day or politely disagree in comments, but the next entry I am back to giving them comment love. Why do I think it would be different for me?

I guess I need to relax. You tell me that sometimes and I don’t listen. I go back and forth about going back on my anxiety medication about as often as I think about dying my hair…which is a lot. I don’t want to be crazy anymore. I spent my teenage years being crazy wild Angela who gets in trouble all the time. Who says and does what she wants. I don’t want to be that person anymore. However, I think in not wanting to be that person I let myself get too far to the other side. I don’t speak up for myself anymore, I cry about everything, I dress very demurely and I am starting to feel like someone else.

I want to be fun and free spirited. I’m lonely. I try not to be, but I am. I am appalling at making new friends. I also think I let people get the better of me. I never used to do that. I never used to be like that. I believe people so easily and then when they let me down I am surprised. It’s maddening!

This letter was supposed to be shorter. I’m not even having a bad day. I just spent 3 hours trying to talk to you and I couldn’t so I thought it would help if I wrote you a letter.

Tonight Kasey and I are going to an Earth Day Celebration at my college. I am really looking forward to it and I recently bought a new charger for my camera so pictures are going to be back on the site soon. Tomorrow we are going to an event called Community on the Quad. So there are things to look forward to.

I’m not going anywhere, but I had things I needed to get out. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Angela

New official list! I made one before when I was younger, but this one suits more where I am at right now.

1. legally change my name
2. learn to sew
3. take a cross country road trip
4. visit the west coast
5. visit another country
6. floss daily
7. grow my hair really long and then cut it and donate it to Locks of Love
8. take more photos/make more videos
9. become more active
10. eat healthier
11. lose weight - get down to 150-200 lbs
12. learn to cook well and feel confident doing so
13. go see performances at the orchestra, opera, ballet and theater
14. spend 100 hours doing volunteer work at various charities
15. run a 5k
16. sing karaoke
17. see 5 new cities such as: Toronto, Chicago, San Francisco, Las Vegas and New Orleans
18. take a cruise with Kasey
19. finish my tattoo: the spring flowers part
20. continue striving to live greener and doing things better for the environment.
21. get organized with spending and have a substancial savings account
22. engage my creative side more often: art classes, painting, jewelry making, etc…
23. visit 10 different museums, zoos and aquariums
24. learn how to dance/take dancing lessons
25. throw a dinner party
26. have a great wine collection
27. win something
28. pay off my debt
29. get out of my freaking parent’s house
30. paint pottery with Kasey at least once

Vote Please!

1. The Essential Feminist Reader edited with intro by Estelle B. Freedman - It must say a lot about me how insanely excited I am to read this book. It’s an anthology of writings that represent feminist history and the first essay was written in 1405. The year. The year 1405! That is amazing. I mean, I think it is interesting to read anything from a long time ago, but something about feminism that old. It’s awesome. There are 64 essays in the book from then until 2004. I seriously can’t wait to read it.

2. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women & Feminism by Bell Hooks - I have only been in college for two semesters and I have already written two papers in which the article I was writing on referenced Bell Hooks and this book. The day after I got this book I noticed that we are going to be assigned one of her essays in my Psychology of Women class next week. I think it will be great to read about the subject right from the expert herself. It also doesn’t hurt that Hooks is such a wonderful writer. She has many other books so if I enjoy this one I will have a lot more to read.

3. The Good Body by Eve Ensler - I have long been a part of The Vagina Monologues and I am excited to continue with them this coming year, but I have to say I think this play is much more fitting for where the country is at right now. I am working on getting a performance of this done at my university next year.

4. Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti - Noticing a trend? I got this one because I thought it would be good for my continuing education in the woman’s studies program. It was published in 2007 so it is really current and I think it will be a useful resource. I don’t know if I will learn anything new, but you never know.

5. Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy - This is another one I thought would be helpful for my future career choice. Also? I just find it facinating the way some young women today are behaving and I thought this book would be enlightening.

That is my first batch of career related books I am soon to embark on. I figured it reading time is rare anyway then for now I should try and focus on reading books that will help keep me driven and focused on what I want to do.

The problem is once I type these into Amazon to get links for you guys it recommends new books that also look interesting. My wish list is suffering.

I also have to write a paper on an important problem/disturbing situation. The paper needs to be pretty short 3-5 pages, but it is due on Thursday and I still haven’t chosen a solid topic. I really need to get on with that.

I’m still trying to win money for charity so if you could click this link and vote for me that would be awesome! (Drawing to see who made it to the finals is Monday, April 21.)

If you have commented to me and it didn’t post please let me know! I have a new spam blocker installed and I really want to make sure it is not eating my comments. Thanks!

I really need to shake this funk I seem to be in lately. Maybe this week I will work on finding more joy.

Another thing I am working on this week is making a new 30 things to do before I am 30. Kasey is creating one too! I had one before, but I made it when I was 19 and it just became irrelevant as I got older. Also I think this list should be fun. Big things like graduate from college, get a home, have children, etc…should really just be left up to whenever they happen they happen. It makes me feel too much stress having big life accomplishments looming over me. The thought of not reaching them really makes me panic. So this list will be fun and more creative. Plus Kasey and I will be trying to work together to do everything on each other’s lists. I think it will be really great.

I have some work to do and papers to write so this one is going to be a little shorter.