So somehow I got to reading some of the history behind making 1,000 paper cranes and now I have it in my head that this is something that I need to do. Great. I don’t even know how to make one paper crane, let alone 1,000! I have tried a few of the tutorials, but to no avail. I’m not giving up though. I want to get some origami paper and just do this. It’s supposed to be a healing process and they say that if you make 1,000 paper cranes you’ll be granted a wish.
Now, I don’t really buy into that. I just have a little feeling inside telling me this is something I should do and I honestly don’t have that feeling very often.
Yes people, this is my big announcement. I’m a little bit crazy and I think that making a fucking huge mass of paper birds is going to help me deal with all my inner emotional shit. We’ll see. I’ll keep you updated!
Hey last year around this time I was losing my hair from stress…so this is an improvement, no?
UPDATE: Wal*Mart doesn’t sell origami paper. I found this out after dragging Kasey out at 11:00 pm last night. Tonight before we go to the release party for that new Stephanie Meyer book we’re going to drop by Target and possibly A.C. Moore. Kasey thinks I am on the nutty side, but is supportive nonetheless. Her quote, “But where are you going to put them?”
UPDATE: Using this link I was finally able to make one!!!! I made it out of a picture in a magazine to save paper. What do you think? Not horrible for my very first one, right?
I am a commitment person. Now as far as being legally married I don’t really care. Paper or no paper if I take a vow to someone I consider that to be binding. Even though if it should end there is no legal divorce to go through the process is still by no means an easy one.
I feel more at ease when I have someone with me. I feel more at ease when I am living with someone. This seems strange to many people. I hear people talk about needing there space and hating having the other person around all the time. I feel better when someone else has their things mixed in mine. I feel better when there is someone else’s laundry mixed with mine. Feeling someone’s back against mine while we sleep. I like being able to have someone help me figure out where to eat dinner, what movie to see, where to go and what to do. I appreciate the help doing things I don’t care to do like cooking and dishes. I enjoy late night talks and other late night activities. I love having someone to go with me places where I hate being alone like the doctor and the store. I find it helpful to have someone point out the other side of a situation. I appreciate having my morals kept in check.
It’s hard to compile a list of things I don’t like about being in a long-term relationship. I guess I could say always feeling nervous about going to the bathroom because I am a freak like that. Also perhaps not being able to just watch the movies I want to watch when I want to watch them. At least while sharing an 8×10 living space. I could also say arguing, but lately I am learning to appreciate arguments as an opportunity to say how I am feeling and understand how my actions are affecting the other person.
I was never the girl fantasizing about getting married. I used to fantasize about being a teen mother and raising my child alone. (Seriously.) When my ex and I talked about having a ceremony those two times I enjoyed briefly thinking about what I might wear and flowers. Where and when. Still I never thought it would ever happen and so I didn’t get too into the thought. I never dreamed about it. I never pined for certain colors or where we would honeymoon.
That is starting to change in me. I still don’t believe weddings should be so expensive. I can’t imagine spending $10,000 + on a party when I could use that money for a home, furnishings for that home and a romantic getaway. I would be thrilled to have a wedding that costs $500.
Still…there are those wedding thoughts. Thoughts I have never really had before.
I enjoy thinking about sharing a house and going off to work and coming home to the same person.
I do worry that all these thoughts are too much. That you really can’t be sure of any feelings so soon. Then again you can spend almost 7 years with a person and still not be sure. I think sometimes you just need to take a chance.
Don’t get me wrong. I am far from engaged. Who knows if that will ever happen. I am just thinking thoughts that are new for me and I needed to let them exit my mind.
At the same time I am also thinking this might be it for me. This new relationship I am in is such a whirlwind romance. If it ended I don’t know how I would handle another relationship. I think I would hate romance after this. Right now it feels very real and very wonderful and if something happens I worry it would ruin my views of love. On the marriage front…let’s imagine Kasey and I stay together for maybe 4 years before ending it and we’ve gotten married in that time. Am I prepared for the possibility that I could be 27 years old and twice divorced? I don’t know. I don’t know if I would want to get married again.
I remember saying once when I was around 13 that I would never get married, but if I did end up getting married I would probably get married and divorced several times. I was always amused by that, but I hope that isn’t the case. Then again maybe I would enjoy that sort of life.
I can’t imagine myself being alone. I’m scared that I will have had my two great loves early on and then have a hard time being able to love someone after that.
I’m so pessimistic to be worrying about the possibility of divorce before I should even be thinking about engagement. I’ll stop myself now. Just some stuff I needed to let go of.
When Kasey and I want to feel more in love with each other we watch Bridezillas. The people on this show are such spectacles that Kasey and I constantly find ourselves pausing the tivo to process the horrors we have just seen. Sometimes we pause it to turn to each other and say, “Thank you so much for being sane!”. Other times we just have to wonder how these people end up together and how on earth they would ever think marriage is a good idea. For anyone who talks up the sanctity of marriage? You need to watch this show at least once.
The most explosive episodes are the ones where the bride is completely out of her mind and she and the groom don’t exactly like each other. This was the case with last night’s episode which featured a charming woman named Dawn. WeTV doesn’t have her info page up yet, but they did have this interview. (Watch at your own risk.) This woman was Crazy. (Yes, with the capital C and everything.) She berated her fiance for the entire time she was one camera. She didn’t flip so much about the things regular woman on this show flip about she was happy just insulting her husband to be while he just took it. To me it seemed like he had to like it. Almost as if they were those sort of creepy s&m couples that enjoy humiliating each other in public. She also at one point was screaming at him while he just stood there and afterwards was upset that he had just screamed at her. Meanwhile, she was the only one that had been screaming! Usually these couples are fascinating and humorous to watch. Dawn was just uncomfortable. Their level of tension made me feel tense and I can’t believe they actually went through with it and got married. What her fiance should have done was check her in somewhere. She seemed like a stay in a mental instituation would have done her some good.
One great scene was her sending her husband to boot camp to lose weight before the wedding. She (being about the same exact size as him) yelled at him and called him during his work out while eating (I am not kidding) about 4 donuts. I would have LOVED to hear what the trainer had to say about that.
There was another couple on the show this season though where the bride was at the level where she wasn’t even a bridezilla, she was just insane. Her name was Lisa and the grooms name was Andrew. You could tell he didn’t really love her (and with good reason) but he was marrying her anyway because he felt it was better than being alone. I would say being alone would have it’s perks. They had even been married once before!
When I am watching these episodes I am typically in awe that these people end up being together and getting married. I guess I just find it sad that people settle and think that they have to endure this sort of behavior. I know that people sometimes think that behavior before a wedding is just stress and they will calm down after marriage. I tend to think it’s a warning and the behavior will only get worse.
I’ll keep watching, but only because looking at all the crazy people out there makes me feel better about my life.
On Sunday, July 20 at 10:00 am Kasey and I had the pleasure of attending one of Duross & Langel’s Sunday school classes. The one we attended was called Healing Elements and we were going to be making some balms and salves.
We arrived at Duross & Langel exactly around 10 after our 2 hour drive into the city and were promptly greeted by the stores owner Steve Duross. As we were being led inside I looked around and thought how fun it was to be in a store before opening. The lights were low and the shelves were filled with an abundance of interesting handmade products. There were 3 other women who came in at the same time as us and I remember thinking it was a pretty small class. Steve led us up the stairs to the second floor workshop. I was surprised at how well organized and decorated it was.
A View of the studio back wall.
The windows looking out to the city.
A massive wall of supplies.
The workspace where we created the items.
There were also four other women up stairs so it turned out to be a decent sized class. They like to keep their classes more intimate so I think there are only about 9 or 10 spaces available. Kasey and I put on our savonnier’s aprons and took our places around the large work table. Steve stood in front and began telling us a bit about soap and the processes they use. He also told us about their mission statement and why he began making soaps. It was really interesting for me. I felt a little bad for Kasey because sometimes I think I talk to her to much about that sort of stuff, but she later said she enjoyed it.
We started with the lavender soap. We started cutting up a huge block of Shea butter into cubes and putting them into a pot. There was also another type of ingredient (sadly I forget what it was) that we into strips so we could inbed it into the soap. Then once we had all of one of the Shea butter cut up we turned on the stove and started to melt them down. Then they were poured into a mold and left to set.
Uncut blocks of various butters.
Pouring the soap.
Here it is all ready to set!
Next up was the balms! I thought this part was really fun. There were a lot of different ingredients to mix together and for some reason I enjoy that. Once they were all measured and ready they were placed in a pot and melted together.
After everything was melted together it was ready to pour into the containers. This was the hardest part! I always thought their was a machine to do it, but it’s all poured by hand!
Getting everything together.
Watching the balm melt.
My favorite photo of the day.
Me pouring the Rescue Balm.
Kasey pouring the belly balm.
Afterwards we got one each of everything we made! I had such a lovely time that we signed up to take another class in October!
We shopped a little in the store after the class was finished and I took a few more shots of the store.
I got back on Monday from my birthday trip to Philadelphia and it was wonderful. I enjoyed every moment of it. I’ll do some highlights in list for because that is how I do.
1. The class at Duross & Langel was so much fun. I’m going to have a full description of that up tomorrow complete with pictures. Kasey and I had such a good time that we signed up for another on scheduled for October 5th. It’s one on Autumn Soaps. We’re going to be making Pumpkin and Cider soaps. I’ll talk more about the items we made at this class tomorrow.
2. The hotel stay was AMAZING. To all of you who are coupled right now, please at some point try to stay with your significant other in a room with a two person jacuzzi. This is going to be my new piece of relationship advice. We stayed in a Howard Johnson in a room with one of those cheesy heart shaped jacuzzi baths right in the main room. It ended up being so wonderful I can’t even tell you. It wasn’t even about being sexual. It was just nice to share that intimate time with the person you love and feeling a different level of comfort and security with them. We checked in at 6:00 pm and out at 11:00 am and in that time we took 4 baths. Heck yes. Complete with Bath Bombs and Bubble Bar Slices from LUSH. It being in the main room was great because we could take our bath and just fully relax while watching Clean House.
I’m one of those nuts like Miranda on Sex and the City that just have a really hard time relaxing and not worrying about what we are going to do next. So this was really great in that it let me be at peace and not think about anything else.
There is also this feeling of becoming even closer to Kasey. There is something intimate and special about just being naked around someone else and knowing that no matter what they find you beautiful. I don’t know…there were several moments when I was very struck by that.
3. If you want to see a bit hot mess I recommend you go to the Torrid store in Cherry Hill, NJ. Good lord. I could say a lot about them and my experience there. I do wish I had my camera during this particular moment of my trip so you guys could share in my trauma. The people working there and shopping there were just too much. Suffice it to say that I didn’t buy anything. I did however try on a pair of pants that I will be buying online eventually. They covered my butt and sat on a proper area of my hips! Hoorah! Low rise pants can suck it. Who wears these?
Also I have complained about the horrible addition of pencil skirts into the plus size fashion world. (Please someone shoot me because they are still the main style of skirts available in my size.) Now I have to contend with skinny jeans. Skinny jeans!!!!! No one (NO ONE!) looks good in skinny jeans. Seriously. I’m just being a friend. Even if you do have the legs for them they make your torso look like the top of a strange misshapen lollipop.
There was also a hoody there that was Wal*Mart looking quality for $40. I don’t think so.
4. Kasey and I had thought about going to The Franklin, but we decided to forgo for the moment and spend the day walking around the city. That ended up being a lot of fun and we went into a huge number of awesome little shops. I started a Yelp account (if you’re on yelp add me as a friend!) so that I could review all of the fun places that we went.
This was one of my favorite days spent in the city. It was just so fantastic walking around and taking in the sites. Now I can’t wait to go back again!
Full Philadelphia Trip Set Here.
*I’m sorry, I just can’t get down with the whole “binkies” lingo.
What’s up y’all? It’s Kasey. I’m on my day off from my job. I’m a cook at this Private Community Center and I stand pretty much all day so my legs always ache afterwards. But here’s the thing, it’s a good kind of pain. And not cus I’m into S&M(don’t even let your minds go there, I know some of y’all are a little freaky) but because I wasn’t working for a few months. So, I’m willingly dealing with some sore feet for that dough. I mean, I’m a hustla you know? I’m working long hours for that cheddar. (Special note: dough and cheddar both mean money. Just trying to help you out.)
Of course, I had my little routine when I wasn’t working. I would wake up, watch Angela go out the door, feel a little guilty until I remembered something: The Nanny was on! Yes, of course I know the tv schedule, I’m unemployed! Thank you syndication. So, the Nanny came on at 8:30, Golden Girls at 9 and 9:30(oh that Sofia cracks me up), possibly a nap and back downstairs for Scooby-Doo at 12 and 12:30. And in between that a mixture of house shows, reruns and movies. Ooh, can’t forget the Price is Right. Classic! Though Drew Carey’s not as good as the Bob, but who is? Though I never wish unemployment on anyone, if you find yourself at home on a weekday, there are some shows you need to watch.
1. The Nanny - A street-wise nanny shakes up the lives of her stuffy English employer and his kids? Has anything sounded better?!
2. The Golden Girls - Easily on my top ten list of shows. The laughs, the drama. The old ladies!
3. The Price is Right - Here’s the thing. It might be 2008 out here, but the prizes in the Price is Right are stuck in the 1980’s. And the best thing is watching the contestants reactions when they bring out the item to bid on. “And now, the next item to bid. A humongous Wall Clock that will take up an entire wall in your house!” And cue the reaction. Priceless.
4. Clean House - This show comes on the Style Network and it is a-mazing! Basically this crew goes into people’s houses where they have let the clutter go a little crazy and clean it up.
What do you guys like to watch on your day off? I’m always up for new suggestions. So let’s see. New music? Three new songs for you: Spotlight by Jennifer Hudson, Say(All I Need) by One Republic and my new obsession, Untouched by the Veronicas. Listen and love it!
I guess that’s it. I’ve taken up too much time already. Though I’m excited about all the comments you guys are leaving for my girl. She’s super excited. If you like me enough, I’ll try to come back. Just give me something to talk about cus I need ideas.
As always, peace, love and happiness. Holla at your girl.
Happy one year anniversary! Can you believe it has been a year already? Where has the time gone? It feels like just a few months ago I was silently freaking out to myself about how I couldn’t possibly be falling for someone so soon. We both agreed that it couldn’t have come at a worse time and there was a lot of talk about how we didn’t want this to be a rebound relationship. I think we make our own rules. There is nothing rebound about our love. It is different from anything I have ever experienced before. I feel like I can finally breath.
Philadelphia - July 2007
I love how much we can joke around with each other. You doing that chicken pecking dance while I do the throwing out the feed dance? You doing your Australian accent while doing your Lesbian Hunter bit? They make my days brighter. In fact, everything about this year has made my world seem brighter. It has, in fact, been the best year of my life so far. I can’t wait to see what next year brings.
Seaside Heights, NJ - August 2007
Atlantic City, NJ - September 2007
I remember last year when you took me to Philadelphia for my birthday and I just couldn’t believe you had put so much thought into it. When you looked into my eyes at Buddakan and we made our relationship official, my heart skipped a beat as it has done many times since then.
Maple Shade, NJ - New Years Eve 2007
There are moments when I wake up in the morning and curl into you and you smile in your sleep and pull me closer that make me feel like this is really what life is supposed to be like. I have always wanted a house to call my own. I have always wanted children. However, in those moments I feel like I could spend my life in a tiny apartment with you and it would feel complete.
Philadelphia - February 2008
Philadelphia - March 2008
May 2008
The times that I feel your love for me most is those times when my anxiety starts to get the best of me. I’ll feel panicked in a store or things will start to be a little too crowded and you take my hand, you make me safe. During our fights when I stop being able to reason and I become overcome with emotion you steady me. You hold me when I cry and never seem tired of it. You wait for me to realize it when I am acting crazy and you are always willing to talk things through with me. Your calmness is catching and I always feel myself relaxing about things around you.
Atlantic City, NJ - June 2008
There might be shows you enjoy that I just don’t understand, such as The Nanny, Avatar and Chuck. However, I know you aren’t crazy about Grey’s Anatomy or Project Runway, but you are right there watching them with me and always ready to tell me what you think.
New York City - June 2008
I could go on and on. Sure you might make me crazy sometimes, but I think I do that to you far more often. You have opened my eyes to so many things and whether we are staying in a suite in Philadelphia or a bad room in Seaside Heights I treasure every moment we spend together. Whenever we are together I feel like I am home.
I know sometimes it feels like we are being pulled in all different directions. This economy is shit and it takes almost a full weeks pay to get gas in the car and food in the fridge, but this is pocket change. You can afford this. Sometimes we feel like we have no more left to give, but we do. Doing good deeds for other people is important. It helps prove that there are people who care and want things to be better. You would think that would always be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t.
So that is my mission for you today. Get out your credit card, fill out the form, and send some money to help Jill kick cancer’s ass! If you can donate more, by all means do, but even $1 can make a difference. No effort is too small.
I recently heard the song “Handlebars” by the Flobots in the car with Kasey. She was playing her iPod and it is one of the songs that came up. The song itself was powerful enough, but she told me I should check out the videos.
The first one I found was an earlier version then the animated one she had mentioned. I watched them both and I highly suggest you do the same. I found them very moving and they gave me a lot to think about. If you are wary of graphic content you might want to watch the second one here only. It’s still intense, but the first one feature actual footage.
It’s so interesting the ways a person’s life can turn out. To think that one day some of the people in this world who do heinous things were once little children like everyone else who grew up and started to make a chain of bad decisions. To think that sometimes things are done that seem reasonable, but have terrible effects on other people. Such as the child stamping all those papers. She (possibly he) gets into the groove after a short while and hey it’s actually a little fun. Then you see that the stamp says, FIRED. Then you start to think of all of those people who would then be without jobs and possibly be no longer able to pay their bills or take care of their children.
There is a lot to be said about these situations and what these two videos and this song brings up, but to the point where I almost don’t know where to begin. It brings to mind a saying I have heard, “Here but by the grace of God that could have been me.” I’m not sure who said it. I really don’t like that saying because it implys that God graces some people to suffer and others not to. I get the sentiment, to be thankful and aware because it could be any of us, but I suppose it just rubs me the wrong way.
I don’t want to live my life blindly aware of the atrocities going on. I have often said that if I was alive in the 1960s I would not have stood by and watched while the civil rights movement was going on. I would have been in there. I would have been doing something about it. Would I have really? Sometimes I feel like I stand by all the time while awful things happen without doing anything about it. Granted they aren’t happening right in front of me, but they are still going on. What do I do? I blog about rabbits, eat cupcakes and go on trips to buy soap.
I know we are all (well most people I know) scared to die, but if we are going to do so shouldn’t we die doing something noble? I’m not talking about serving our country either. I support the troops, but I don’t believe in war. I don’t believe that we can end violence with violence. I am talking about putting your life on the line to save someone else. I am talking about seeing someone with a gun, ready to shot. You have the chance to get that gun away from them and save someone else, but you might die in the process. Could you do it? I used to think above all other things I could, but now I am not so sure.
There is the Fight-Flight response, which we can’t control. It’s biological. So to some extent there will always be those who simply in the face of danger have no other ability than to run and perhaps that is the smarter thing to do.
I suppose these videos just brought up a lot of thoughts about disconnection from other humans and the world around us as a whole. I don’t want to be the type of person that lets violence and atrocities happen around me by turning a blind eye. I’m also not sure I have it in me to do what needs to be done.
I am 100% German and I used to say (and sometimes still do say) that I would have rather been taken by the Nazis and be put into a concentration camp and possibly killed than go about my normal life in Germany knowing that is going on all around me. I am a little terrified at the thought that I might not have actually been able to go through with that. Then again I am a lesbian, so they could have just as easily targeted me anyway. (Or was that only gay men?)
Isn’t standing by and letting someone pull the trigger just as bad as pulling the trigger yourself?
On a sort of lighter note I also enjoyed this video for “Going On” by Gnarls Barkley
Intense in it’s own way, but a little lighter and more upbeat.
Filed under: 
