What do you all do when it comes to maintaining your lady parts? I’m talking hair.

Now, I realize that in many respects I am much like Samantha from Sex and the City wherein I bring up subjects people aren’t really comfortable talking with others about and expect us to converse about them over brunch. I do know that. In every group of friends I have ever had I have been the outrageous one. I will admit to snickering when someone mentions they tossed salad the night before only to embarrassingly have to explain why I think that’s so funny. Then I’ll be the only one not shocked at the description of what that slang means.

I go there people. I once made a woman at a different table spit out a mouthful of soup because I spoke casually of sex in a restaurant just a smidge to loudly.

So what I am trying to say is I understand if talking about your body hair embarrasses you. Yet, I have to ask because I am dying to know.

I come from the school of pubic hair appreciation*. I think to be completely barren is a little creepy. That’s just my personal opinion. I certainly don’t judge anyone for going Brazilian. (Though don’t you think actually women from Brazil probably leave things alone?) I just could never do it.

Once on a whim when I was 16 I shaved my entire vagina with a razor. It seemed like a good idea and anything to entice my boyfriend. (We didn’t sleep together we were more at the teasing stage.) It was fine for about two days and then, then it started to grow back in. Oh. My. God. It was horrible. There were so many red bumps. It was so itchy and so painful I could barely stand it. Try having a flaming itchy vaginal area during gym class. It was awful.

I vowed then that I would never ever shave my vagina again. It’s actually a promise I have been able to keep.

The problem is not doing anything seems to extreme also. It’s just too much. You’re trying to have some sexy time and you have to expel energy you could be putting into enjoying the experience into holding your hair back.

So I have taken to trimming everything short. However, when it grows back in it’s still pretty damn itchy. Is the key perhaps to be consistent in my trimming schedule? Instead of letting it grow more in between trims?

I’m just curious. I can’t be alone in this.

P.s. - If you made it this far I commend you. It’s not everyday you will have readers that will let you yammer on for nearly 500 words about the state of your lady parts.

*That is a safe link to a youtube video of someone preforming “Hair” from The Vagina Monologues, btw. It’s not porn.

There is a very specific area on my body where if you touch it regardless of if I was in the mood before you touched there I would definitely be in the mood after.

Kasey and I have a friend named Allison and there is an on going joke about her “romantic area”. I even got that term from this ongoing joke. She isn’t really a touchy feely person and probably would not like it if say someone came over and started rubbing her shoulders. I guess someone she roomed with used to do this and it drove her nuts. Then one day she yelled, “Don’t touch my romantic area!” Which on Allison is described as from her neck to her knees. That is a lot of area and every time I think about it I crack up.

So there have been times when we have all been out and someone has touched her shoulder, or something and another one of our friends has yelled out, “Don’t touch Allison in her romantic area!”.

There is also something about a danger zone, but I’m not going there.

My romantic area is quite small. It’s the space on my hips right over my pelvis. I think this is the best possible place for this to be because no one would ever be able to touch me there unless we were having naked time. And I only have naked time with Kasey!

It would be quite unfortunate to have a spot like that say on the top of your head. So that every time someone touched your head you would be instantly in the mood. Whoops!

Am I the only one that finds myself getting into ridiculous spats with my significant other?

Current topic: Shaving.

See, I am one of those nutty feminists that think women should have equal rights. Now I am pretty basic in this. I feel that almost every single woman* is a feminist whether she knows it or not, or even likes it or not. (for example: Wearing pants? You’re a feminist! Went to college? Yes, you too!) This isn’t a rant and you don’t have to agree with me.

*HISTORY ALERT* So, yes. I believe that shaving is something pushed on women. I feel like their is enough societal pressure that even if a woman wanted to stop shaving she would be pretty shamed. This stems back to the early 1900s when Gillette came out with the first truly disposable razor and needed to drum up a consistent business. Through advertisements and media they set out to prove to American women that body hair was not only unattractive it was unfeminine. While hair removal for men and women has been around almost as long as men and women themselves it wasn’t considered a necessity or a gender specific practice until that time period.

Do I have a problem with the practice of shaving knowing this? Yes, I do. Do I still shave? Yes. Listen, I shave when I feel like it and when I know my legs and arm pits will be on display. I keep my lady areas in tact, however due to me just feeling like a bare pubic area on a grown woman is seriously creepy.** I just love the way my legs feel when they are smooth!

My point is that one day Kasey and I were talking about this and she mentioned she wouldn’t like it if I had hairy legs and wouldn’t feel the same way about me. Now, I am not about to ever stop shaving my legs, but I was still offended by this. I picked a fight about this and lamented my crazy feminist points about the practices pushed onto women using scare tactics. Excellent! I really recommend all of you pick fights with your significant others about issues that don’t pertain to you. I mean because if those issues did pertain to you wouldn’t you be so mad?

After we discussed this point Kasey became offended that I would suggest she wouldn’t still love me if I had hairy legs and arm pits so now she doesn’t want me to shave anymore! I don’t think this is a very good idea. The last time I shaved was June 26th while at camp. I don’t think this is a very good idea. So much so that I declare it twice.

I mean, we haven’t even been together a year yet. Do we really need to test the strength of our love by letting my hair grow? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Me and my inane powers of feminist argument. I always get myself into these messes. I think I should just secretly shave while she is at work*** tonight. What do you guys think?

In honor of yesterdays post and because I just love you all so much and I’m all for embarrassing myself on my blog I took pictures! I know, you’re probably so glad you picked today to read me.

See they look pretty normal from here don’t they?

LOOK CLOSER!

Oh no! The beginnings of a leg hair forest!

What about my arm pits, you ask?

I’m not showing you!

Wait a second…you look sort of happy about not seeing them.

Forget that! If me and every other customer who sees me raise my arm when they come in to get a key copied have to see them then so do you!

I’m hanging my head in shame.

Not that I think I should HAVE to shave them though….except for that I don’t really like to have body hair….and it’s kind of itchy and scratchy. Oh forget this whole thing!

Really though I would LOVE to know if any of you have gotten into a semi heated (or even heated!) argument with your partner about something that doesn’t even pertain to you directly.

* Except those FLDS women. I’m pretty sure they are not. Prairie dresses? Check. Lot’s of kids? Check. Minimal school? Check. Subservient? Check. You get my point.

** My opinion only!

*** Work!!!!!!!

Listen, I have small breasts. Please don’t try to reason with me that I don’t. I think learning my cup size usually astonishes people. I also think you might have to have naked time with me to take in the actual size of my breast when they aren’t being thrust forward and up by an fantastically supportive bra.

I am a B cup. STAY WITH ME! I swear this is true. I have had many circle discussions about this wherein other people often try to convince me that my breasts can not possibly be that small. They are. I have many bras in this size and they fit perfectly. I have a few bras in larger cup sizes and they fit miserably with the under wire digging into my arm pits.

I also have pretty much the biggest nipples ever. (I realize you don’t need to know this, but we are having share time right now) I bring this up because it adds to the fact that I have strange magical boobies* because they are small and squishy and half of my entire breast is covered in nipple. I have seen a lot of breasts and only twice have I seen someone with nipples as big as mine and both times they were on someone who had a cup size of at least a DD. At least!

Though to look at me with my fantastic support you would have no idea about any of this, which is I think where the confusion comes in. I also can’t really do cleavage. In a certain bra, from a certain angle, in a certain pose I can give you the illusion, but busty I am not.

I have photo evidence of why I don’t think people believe me. This from a certain angle photo in the perfect bra in the perfect pose would led someone to make assumptions and I can’t say I would blame them.

This is why my breast are magic. Sometimes they look HUGE and perfect.

Here is a brief photo montage of times I should have had visible cleavage, but due to my situation, didn’t.

I’ll leave you with one last example of my B cups breasts disguising as Ds.

So I suppose that is my secret talent. I have magical boobies that seem huge until I am naked and then they seem to shrink.

I have maintained that besides porcelain veneers** the top cosmetic surgery I would consider is a boob job. Yet, as they are now they have been called the perfect handful and I suppose I wouldn’t want to mess with that. Also, I think it helps to find someone who likes something you have. Mine? She likes butts***. Now boobs I may not have, but butts? That I most definitely have!

Do any of you have any weird things like this with your body? Or any secret talents that don’t really do anything for you?

* I don’t mean magical in the same way as Loralee though I shamelessly stole this phrase from her.

** Yeah…my teeth are the #1 thing I dislike about myself. I’ll save that one for some other time.

*** TMI?

The entire 13 days I was seriously healing from the removal of my birthmark I could only where one bra strap up. Now I have never been a woman with perky breasts. In fact, I believe they were perky for about a month when I was 15. Then they began their decline and have been a tad (well…considerably) droopy since then. I have pretty small breasts so it usually doesn’t bother me and push-up bras are a delight.

Only having the support of one side of my push-up while the other was left to survive on it’s own was quite the spectacle. I really wish I has a picture for you of what this severe lopsidedness for your entertainment and amusement. I was reminded of the quote from Waitress when Becky says, “If you haven’t noticed, my right boob is way up here in Maine and my left boob is danglin’ down here in Florida.” Except mine was for real and very noticeable.

Thankfully it is healed enough that I can journey through the world once more with both bra straps up and my breasts greeting the world with a united front.

1. My tea smells weird. It is Constant Comment the tea that has a terrible name, but tastes delicious…usually. This tastes kind of the way that arm pits smell. It must be a bad bag or something.

2. Today in English Composition we had a debate about abortion. I was, of course, on the pro-choice side. The debate went well and our team won, but still debating something that I am that passionate about early in the morning was not fun for me. I know that some of the other sides team members weren’t even pro-life, but it still got me a little shaken up.

3. My uterus is conspiring with my ovaries in hopes of my demise. I would like to meet just one other person who gets cramps and menstrual symptoms as bad as I do. I know we would become best friends in a second. We could have little parties every time we got our periods and we would watch Titanic (don’t judge me) and cry (what did I just say to you) and eat chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. Until then I have Kasey who bends over backwards for me during the ordeal and I spend the rest of the month making it up to her, and the cycle continues. This month has been the worst I can remember in a long long time and I actually have conceded and I am now taking Midol. You win uterus! Are you happy?

4. My boss is out of the office and 2/3 of the people who call my job or come in talk to me like I am an idiot.

5. It is my sister’s 33rd birthday today and I forgot. She even came into my job and was here for about a 1/2 hour and I said nothing to her about it. Whoops!

6. I had to pay my credit card bill today and it was not small.

Hello Everyone! Any new people stopping by the site today I have a contest running in the entry before this one. It is good all weekend until Monday at 9:00 am. You could win an etsy gift certificate! So check that out!!!!

ONTO THE SCHEDULED ENTRY

I get very sick whenever I get my period. I get all almost every symptom you can think of. Mix that with my aversion to painkillers and you have a very painful week on your hands. The first day is always the worst because it throws me off guard. By the third day I am able predict the pain and ignore it. It still sucks. I also always feel the need to mention that I don’t think I am above medicine. I know it helps people. It just scares me. I hate taking it.

Here is a list of my usual period symptoms: acne, backache, breast swelling, crying spells (More so than usual. I started to cry when Kasey left for work yesterday!), difficulty concentrating, fatigue, irritability, muscle pain, ovarian pain, problems with sleep, increased anxiety, bloating, breast tenderness, cramps, headaches, joint pain, increased libido (Why??), moodiness, tension and a complex blend of bowel issues that I won’t even get into.

It’s unpleasant is what I am trying to tell you. Plus I can’t really talk about relate to anyone about it since my mom is post-menopause and my sister, cousin and girlfriend don’t get too much in the period symptoms area. So, my wonderful internets I vent to you.

One thing that makes my period better? Lunapads. Call me a freak, but I really do love these cloth menstrual pads.

I was going to do an update post right after I bought them, but I didn’t start using them regularly until months and months later. Then I sort of forgot all about it.

I started using them full time by the Spring of 2007. I was terribly nervous the first time Kasey saw them and asked what they were, but she thought they were interesting and that made me like her that much more.

They make me feel better about my body. I don’t feel as shamed as when I used tampons, though I make sure I grab my wash out of the dryer ASAP when I know I have pads and liners in there! I don’t have the worries anymore that went along with tampons and they are really comfortable. I don’t soak mine before washing because that is too much work for me and then clean up fine anyway.

Sometimes it makes me nervous when I know I have to change them in public or at school. A ziplock bag or a fancier case work fine to keep them in until you get home and it’s not as big a deal as one might think it would be.

I do wish I had more though. The biggest drawback, for my lazy ass, is that I have to do laundry in the middle so I have enough to last for my entire period. Then again my period is sometimes 7 days long so you might not have that same problem.

Those are my lunapads. I keep them in a Victoria’s Secret gift box, which makes me happy. It’s interesting that I use them now. I think if I had heard about them when I was 13 I would have thought they were gross, but now I know they are anything but.

The idea to use them really became solid when I decided I would use cloth diapers when I have children of my own. It only made sense to make the same sort of change for myself. Plus I often feel like I don’t do enough to help the environment and if I can make this teeny tiny change then I think it is something to feel good about.

When I was thinking of getting them I had tons of questions and I even emailed some bloggers that I knew used them. So feel free to ask questions on my comments section. I will happily answer them there. You don’t even have to be interested in them for yourself. You could just be curious.

* Kyle that was my warning to you. No complaints about hearing me talk about my lady parts.