WEEKEND PLANS

Tomorrow I am leaving for the weekend to spend some time with a few of the women I met in June during my trip to the Women’s Leadership Institute. We’re not going to do anything responsible. We are going to be hanging out in a crowded hotel room, having some drinks, laughing and being ridiculous. Plus we’re going to talk. We like to talk. We may even play truth or dare or something along those lines because basically this is one giant sleepover. I’m totally not warning anyone that I snore.

SCHOOL UPDATE

So my adviser hunted me down and forced me to talk about school. It’s something I really haven’t wanted to discuss with anyone and I have been feeling really overwhelmed and hopeless about. We decided to up my schedule a little this semester and get me on a payment plan. She also assured me that while my math class doesn’t count towards graduation credits it does count towards financial aid credits.

She further assessed that it’s just not worth me taking on a third 3 credit class in order to get my financial aid back in place when a one credit course would work and save me a bunch of money. Plus I need to take a phys ed anyway.

My new schedule is:

• Intro to Communications Studies - MWF - 9:00am to 10:00am
• Dance 1 - MW - 11:30am - 12:45pm (Starting next quarter)
• Intermediate Algebra - MW - 3:00pm to 5:15pm

I do feel a lot better. This isn’t what I had hoped for right now, but it’s enough. Slowly, but surely I will keep getting there. I just have to be patient.

My math class is a Pass/Fail class so we have tests every week. We have to get at least a 75% on all tests to be allowed to take the final. We have to get a least a 75% on the final in order to pass the class. A little bit intense, no? We’re allowed to retake class tests until we get a passing grade, but that is still a lot of pressure. Plus it sucks knowing that I could pass all the class tests, but if I fail the final I still fail the class.

I guess I have to keep my game face on and really strive to get the best grades possible at all time. Which I sort of do anyway…

NON BLOGGERS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND US

Me: Yeah…I’m really interested to see what our eBay auctions are at today. I left my computer at work so I would be more productive at home last night and not knowing what they are at is killing me.
Kasey: A whole night without your computer? I bet you were ready to malfunction.
Me: I was just fine! I’m only saying that I like to keep an eye on the auctions in case people have questions or whatever.
Kasey: Yeah, okay. [at this point she pretends to be a malfunctioning robot] Must update Twitter, check email, blog reader, ebay, email,Twitter…Must tell people what I am doing at all times. No one knows what I am doing right at this exact moment. Oh my god. Malfunction. Malfunction!
Me: You think you’re so funny.

Moving on! Hillary Clinton sent me a nice email to try to calm me down and The New York Times seems to think Biden has foreign expertise or whatever so I’m letting it go for now.

I also am currently inexplicably covered in bug bites and being itchy never fails to make me feel pissed off.

Though I do have a tiny tan colored rabbit hoping around my room so that tends to help everything look a little brighter. (Though a grey bunny overseeing the tan bunnies freedom from the oppression of her cage might tell you differently.)

I also just checked my email from Joe Biden thanking me for the warm welcome and that made me feel all guilty.

So…school starts tomorrow. I have totally been neglecting talking about it. This was supposed to be my first real semester. I was going to take a full course load for the first time and just feel like a real student. I was directing The Vagina Monologues and I am the secretary and treasurer of Women & Men For Awareness. Now? Now I am taking one non-credit course thanks to my financial aid not coming in. Oh and I was denied for a student loan.

When I think about it I get upset thus I have been putting it out of my mind. I don’t know the classroom, I don’t have the books, etc… It just all sucks so much.

So that’s that.

I’m not happy.

1. If you haven’t taken the poll from yesterday, please do so. I will be using the results when I get back for the new theme. Very important!

2. I am painfully aware that one of my buttons is squishing my main body of text, but I removed them from the design and yet they are still there. So I really don’t know what to do about that, do you?

3. Are you swapping? I bet you’re not. If you are over 18, a woman and have a Flickr account you can sign up right now to be part of the July Creature Comforts Swap. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I know some of you have seen the swap stuff around. The minimum is $15.

This time we are swapping a pillow and a book or magazine! Fun! Sign up! You can read more about it at that link to. I’m just saying that besides OMSH the only other active swapper I know is Rhiinpink. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I’m just saying that it is fun and exciting to get packages in the mail. It’s also fun shopping for someone else and trying to find something they would love. Okay. I am done pimping the swap group.

4. Holy crap, I am leaving tomorrow morning to go on a week long trip to somewhere I have never been with people I have never met. What was I thinking? Seriously. What is someone with an anxiety disorder and minimal conversation skills doing going on a trip like this. Oh thank you for selecting my university, I’m sure I’ll do a stand up job.

Also, I don’t mean to sound like one of those girls, but this will be the longest I haven’t seen Kasey since last June. That is scary for me. I don’t like change. It’s only a week though, right? I’ll be fine? I hope so. My nerves are starting to get jumpy and I actually had a NIGHTMARE about it. For reals. I did make Kasey a cutesy little package for while I am gone with a letter for each day and shiz because I’m corny like that.

Honestly though, is it really too late to cancel?

5. Today I am picking up my rental, going to Target, packing and worrying. Heavy on the worrying! Tomorrow I leave home at 7:00 am, meet the other 3 girls at 8:00 am and then I will be driving us the 5 hours to the institute all while trying to subtly keep my shit together.

I suppose should talk to you. Some things are going on and I feel like putting them in list for because according to my 50 things about me, that is what I like to do best.

1. Remember when I was so excited to be taking 6 classes next semester? It seems that isn’t going to happen anymore. I couldn’t really afford to take one extra class each semester this past year so each semester I had to drop one. Apparently doing so made me ineligible for financial aid. To remedy this I need to take 7 credits this summer. Each credit will cost $216 so that really isn’t a possibility. I feel so stuck. I felt like this Fall my dream of being a full time student like everyone else would be real. I can’t afford to take the classes this summer and what’s more is that they really aren’t offering a lot and I wouldn’t be able to work my office job anymore.

So…I guess what is going to happen is that I will be taking 3 classes this fall instead of 6. Unless we figure something else out. This just really blows and I am trying to ignore the fact that there is even a problem because I won’t be able to handle it.

2. This also means that being secretary/treasurer of Women & Men For Awareness will be nearly impossible because I’ll have to work full time then too. Also! I won’t be able to direct The Vagina Monologues anymore.

3. I don’t know if I mentioned this here before, but I was selected to go to a Women’s Leadership Institute this summer from June 21 - 27. I was very excited about this because it will be very informative and they will help us start activities on campus based on it. However, now that I won’t be on campus for it I just don’t care. I almost canceled going, but it’s too short notice. I wish I was still excited about it.

4. Then I keep thinking maybe I should just bite the bullet and try to take 3 classes this summer. I mean, it would suck trying to pay for it. (That is almost $2,000!!!!!) However, it would keep me on track to be a full time student in the fall and it would just be a bump in the road. I mean….$500 a month for four months…I could try to manage that, yes? I am (supposedly) getting a new master card in the mail soon with a high limit. I could put it on that and just make payments.

Any input on this would be great because I am wracking my brain!

5. I am getting my hair did on Tuesday (finally!) and immediately afterwards I am going to have my vag gazed upon at the gynecologist office. I am oddly looking forward to the later. I have a touch of hypochondria and sometimes it just feels nice to hear a doctor say that everything is fine. I know I have been feeling worlds better since my check-up and that birthmark removal.

6. There is a cold dilemma going on at my office. Some people are to cold to function (me!) while others claim it’s hot in here (coworker who remains nameless) and I have begun to tape up the thermostat much to their dismay. Today I got a twenty minute barrage of complaints about how it ain’t right (their wording) to have to work in such hot conditions! Umm…70 degrees? Go complain to construction workers in Texas! I’m sure they would love to hear you talk about this. Give me a break.

This coworker also asks me question after question about topics I don’t care about nor do I have any information on. (for example: Where is the boss? Did he have a doctor’s appointment? Is he getting a heart scan? When is he coming back? Where is his wife? Did she go with him? When is she coming back? Will she be here today? Is this for his throat? Will he be in tomorrow?) This is no exaggeration. I wish it was! Let me ask you, if the answer to ever single on of those questions was, “I don’t know” wouldn’t you stop asking?

The past two years have shown me that regardless the questions will continue.

Alright…now I feel like the one who is complaining. I’m going to watch youtube videos of my own rabbits because I’m awesome like that.

UPDATE: I registered for 3 classes. Still not sure if it is even possible to do 9 college credits in three weeks and it will cost officially $2,518.00. Oh boy! Please shoot me! I will appreciate it later.

I did it! In less than two days I wrote three papers!

Curious as to what they were on? Here:

1. An eight page paper on my analysis of sex.
2. An five page paper on Intimate Partner Violence.
3. A two page summary about my thought on the Ally program I attended.

Now I just need to read a short story and answer a few questions. Woo! It feels like such a relief to have the work done. Now I get to fret until I have my grades back.

Tomorrow at 8:00am I am taking an optional final for English Composition. It can’t hurt my grade, but if I do well on it that grade will replace my lowest grade in the class. That is fantastic news to hear because I got two Cs in that class and I haven’t gotten my graded rewrites back. Hopefully with the rewrites and the grade replacement I can get an A in that class.

My arm still hurts like crazy if you wanted an update. I did take some pictures, but I thought I would hold out until after I get the stitches out so you don’t just see the goryness it is right now.

I’m so glad finals week is almost over. I can’t wait to get back to reading up on you guys and creating better posts here.

This morning I carpooled with my mom to go to college. (She takes classes at my school too) So I got in nice and early, grabbed a soda and went into the Women’s Center. I have sort of been avoiding it since my break-up because my ex has been working there, but it is early enough that she would not be here. The office was open so I slipped inside and I am now sitting at the office computer and looking around.

I am so excited to be working here soon. Did I mention that? I got a work-study for the summer (hopefully all 3 sessions) and all through next school year. It’s perfect because I can work in the Women’s Center between my classes and get my work done in that time also.

The thing I am most excited about is having the chance to redecorate. I really plan on sprucing things up and making it look more bright and inviting. A lot of the information and posters around here are old school suffragette and early wave feminist stuff. Now, while I definately think that has a place in the center and I am all for learning about women’s history I really want to bring the focus on women now. I think so many times it seems like the only women we that young women admire are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and that is far from the truth. I want to put strong women’s pictures up with their stories.

I also want a lot more diversity. I’m looking around and I don’t see much of that pictured. Feminism is for everyone and I really want to show that. I can’t wait.

Ever since I decided to make my goal being a Women’s Studies professor I have really felt at peace. I think this is what I have been wanting to do all along. I finally feel content with my goals and what I want to be doing.

Oh! I also was chosen to go to a Women’s Leadership Conference in June. It’s a week long and completely funded by my college. I’ll post more on that later.

It’s time for me to go to class. I’ll update more later.

1. I have yet another school update. Apparently the woman in charge of the Women’s Studies Dept. at my university is trying to create a Women Studies major! Holy shit! That means I wouldn’t have to transfer. I could earn my degree right where I am with more help, less money and no moving hassle! I don’t know how it will work out yet, but it’s already very exciting.

2. I just scheduled for the Fall 2008 semester. Hopefully (assuming my mother really does help me get my FAFSA in on time) I will be full time, finally. Right now I am scheduled for 6 classes and we’ll see how that goes. Here is what I am taking:

• Intro to Speech Communication - MWF 9:00 am
• PCs and Their Uses - MW 11:00 am
• Intermediate Algebra - MW 3:00 pm - 5:15 pm
• Gender & Communication - TuTh 8:00 am
• Intro to Cultural Diversity - TuTh 9:30 am
• Insects & Human Life - TuTh 4:00 pm

So it will be busy, but I think it will be really enjoyable too. I also am going to be working on campus during the week and that will really help because I won’t be able to work in my office anymore. I’ll have to make some big changes.

3. Kasey is going out of town this weekend. She is going to be attending a birthday party for her godmother’s 80th birthday. It’s in New Jersey and she is leaving in about an hour and she won’t be back until late Sunday night. It’s weird knowing she won’t be around because I have gotten so used to her always being around. I think it will be good though. We will both have some time to be alone and do our own thing. I bought some new canvas’s to paint on so I am going to do a little of that tonight. Plus she got some movies and TV shows for her iPod so she’ll have some things to fill her time as well.

4. I can’t wait until I am done adding my older entries to the site so that I can promptly forget about them. I was such a weird 19 year old. I found an entry where I wrote that I wanted to work in fashion marketing for InStyle magazine! I also mentioned that I didn’t want to have children after I was 24 years old. I think I was a little off on that one because that birthday is coming up really soon. Read those entries at your own risk. You might feel your brain turn into goo.

5. My feet are really cold.

6. For some reason I got obsessed with the dumb show Here Come the Newlyweds that comes on Sundays on ABC. It end this weekend and I don’t know why I enjoy it so much, but I do. No one else seems to have ever even heard of it before.

7. This site might be moving. Same site, new url. I just want to move and grow as a person. This url was picked out when I was 18 years old and that just isn’t who I am anymore. I also want to get away from having a website with the same name as the email I use with family, friends and professors. Time to move on and move out. I have no idea how to do that yet though. It should be interesting. Don’t worry you will have plenty of warning when it does happen.

Title - “Lifesize” by A Fine Frenzy

These are things not yet started.

1. Write paper on gender.

2. Read chapter on Mothering & write reaction.

3. Read short story and write reaction.

4. Write another paper…the topic of which I haven’t even looked at.*

I’m so excited for tomorrow.

*I just checked it is on concepts of sexual orientation. Oh boy!

My mind has been reeling lately. I want to make the best choices for my life. I want to succeed, but I also want to (as Oprah would say) live my best life. I want to do what it takes to have an enjoyable career and life for myself.

I don’t think that being a medical doctor is right for me. Some of you might be thinking “Duh!” and I appreciate you supporting my aspiration to pursue that career anyway.

My whole life I have always felt stupid. I don’t say that to get sympathy; I say that because it is true. More time than I can count I have had teachers tell me what I couldn’t do.

“You can’t be an architect because you are not good enough at math.”

“You could never get a doctorate, like me. You would be lucky just to get into college.”

“You should really think about not attending college. You wouldn’t succeed there and it would just be a waste of time and money.”

This is just a small sample of things I have been told by teachers. I was even constantly encouraged to not even attend regular high school. My guidance counselor was adamant that I go to the Vo-Tech school so that I could learn a trade.

After spending months thinking about this I decided that if I pursued getting a medical doctorate I would only be doing so to prove that I could. Maybe I would end up enjoying it. Maybe I would be great at it. Maybe, but I want to do things for me. I want to pursue something that I will love regardless of what other people think.

I want to get my major in Women’s Studies. It is a subject I have been consistently passionate about since I was a teenager. When I think about having a career in Women’s Studies it excites me. I am even more excited when I think about going even further to get my doctorate for it. I love thinking that one day I could be a professor of Women’s Studies at a university.

A change of major doesn’t seem like a very big change, but for me it is huge. It is amplified by the fact that my current college does not offer it as a major.

I found a very nice college that I would like to transfer to, but it is in Virginia. That is a pretty big move to make. It’s also a nicer school so I will have to really keep up my GPA if I want to be accepted. It’s called The College of William & Mary. I still need to build up my transfer credits. So I am looking to apply next Spring and start attending as early as Fall 2009.

The difference in price for residents of VA and out of state students is about $10,000 so we would also need to really consider moving down there earlier in order to get the in state price.

It’s such a big change for me, but somehow I can’t stop smiling when I think about it. This feels right. Being Pre-Med made me feel nervous and ridiculous. This makes me almost gleeful.

Right now I am just scared to jinx it. I have to meet with my adviser soon to talk over the details and make sure I am taking the proper classes to transfer with.

It didn’t go as badly as I thought it would and I didn’t pass out. The teacher did mention that I looked very nervous though. My partner was BOMR who has turned into BOML as some bitch took my seat in between him and SALG (who still seems angry, btw). BUT! Get this people, she carries a fake Chanel bag! What’s up with that? Sullen + Angry + Rude (does NOT!) = Chanel.

So he was nice and said very sweet things after reading my paper, but then again who would read the paper and be able to be mean? I’m having someone else who I think could still offer changes read it over just to be sure.

Today I was going to go to the Post Office to pick up mail for work and instead I went home for a quickie. People! It was great. What a fine way to break up the work day. I felt a little like a hooker afterwards though as we both had to redress quickly and she drove me back to work. Still! It was nice. We also had sex twice yesterday so I am in a really good mood. If you know anything about my sex drive it has been often said to be the same of a guy so the more the better!

What else? Oh! (While I am uncommonly writing about sex anyway) I used to not give a damn about my breasts because they weren’t very sensitive and them being touched didn’t really feel good. So if the person I was sleeping with wanted to touch them, fine. If not, great. Now, I don’t know if this is something that changes with age or what, but lately my breasts have felt FANTASTIC! I want them to be touched all the time! If these are the types of changes I have to look forward to with the beginnings of age keep them coming!