Can I vent to you about my very crappy morning?

I can?

Thanks so much. You are the best readers ever!

It all started well enough. I woke up 10 minutes late so I couldn’t blow dry my hair, but I usually don’t do that anyway so no big deal there. Kasey and I got ready and were out by 8:10 am. We stopped at the gas station and got breakfast. I put a whole $5 in my tank because that is how I do. Kasey was dropped off at work. I had my school books. Great. I began the half hour drive to my university.

To get there I have to take a highway which eventually ends and merges onto another highway. As I put on my turn signal, I checked the mirrors and honestly saw no one. I began to move into the other lane and then over another lane into the right slow lane. As soon as I got over I heard honking and I looked in my rear view to see a red car.

I had cut someone off. Shoot. They must have either been in my blind spot or coming up so fast that they weren’t there when I looked. Either way it happened. There was nothing I could do to take it back, obviously.

So this guy swerves into the other lane and flips me off. I wave back and mouth sorry. I’m not about to go flipping someone off first thing in the morning and I just didn’t want to deal with any drama.

Too bad for me.

This guy proceeds to swerve back into the slow lane right in front of me. (I was cruise controlled to 60 mph at this time.) He then slams on his breaks forcing me to swerve in the fast lane. Then I notice I am sandwiched in between this nutcase and someone else who had been trying to merge over. So with no other choice I amp my speed to 80 and get ahead of them both. Then I go back into the slow lane. I thought this guy was a dick, but I didn’t think he would do anything further.

Wrong again.

He came from behind me, swerved into my lane and did it to me again. I cut down my speed and tried to let him get ahead of me at this point. I stayed behind a truck for a while and then decided it might be safe to go a normal speed again. I started going my normal 60 once more and then I think I spot him a bit ahead. He must have been going slow also to wait me out. Before I get any warning, he shoots into my lane and slams on his breaks AGIAN. This time instead of going around him I stay behind and I called 911. I told them his license plate, type of car and color. He goes into the slow lane and I stay behind him in case they need more info.

As I am talking to the police he goes off to the side of the road. I think maybe he is freaked that I am on the phone or maybe he is just trying to do it to me again.

I stay on the line with them and then sure enough he appears a few minutes later side by side with me. He has his window down and I can tell he is screaming at me. His mouth was forming the words, “Roll your fucking window down.” Which, of course, I don’t I just tell the officer what he said.

He eventually speeds away and that is the last I see of him. They tell me to officially do anything real I will need to pull over and give an officer my statement, but it was already 8:40 am and I couldn’t miss my class. So I didn’t. I’m sure he got away.

I was so shaken up but I was calm with the police. Then I called Kasey to tell her what happened and I broke down and started crying.

I don’t know if I mentioned this here, but on the way back from The Women’s Leadership Institute back in June I had a guy try and run us off the road 3 times when I was driving with the 3 other women in the car. He also followed us and I had to call 911 then too.

I also was in a pretty bad car accident in 2004. I am just super shaky when it comes to being in cars and driving and I so didn’t need this today.

I was able to calm myself down a bit before class and I parked and got inside. Afterwards I decided to move my car because it was parked in front of a building that is pretty far from everywhere else.

As I was driving around there was a car in front of me that stopped suddenly (ugg). I stop too and all of the sudden the car goes into reverse and BACKS INTO ME. The person driving (who I later see is a middle aged woman) stops and goes forward again. I am so stunned and upset that I don’t even get out or check the damage (there was none thank goodness) I just go around her and try to find a safe spot.

I parked in a hidden lot I sometimes go to. Not many people know it is around. I’m sitting in the car and my anxiety really starts to come out. I am supposed to buy my textbook at the book store when I realize I forgot my credit card, so I can’t.

I just had to go home. My next class wasn’t for 5 hours and that teacher doesn’t have an attendance policy. I just needed to go home and feel safe.

As I am driving out basically the whole road is pedestrian crossing. It’s a college campus so it’s normal. I am going really slow and doing all the right things. I see a person (i think it was actually a professor) walking so I am slowed almost to a stop, but not quite. This person actually walks closer to my car (as I completely stop) then hits my hood and yells, “Watch it!”. I see you, sir! Don’t I look like I am being cautious of you? You’re so concerned I am going to hit you that you walk TOWARDS my car to hit my hood.

That was the icing on the cake. Time to go home right then.

I was able to safely make the half hour drive home, where I promptly locked myself in my room with my computer.

The end. (I hope)

Oh and P.S. - Kasey and I are going to New Jersey tonight to check on her dad. She hasn’t been able to reach him for a few days and she hasn’t spoken with him in a few weeks. We’re sure everything is fine and his phone just must be out, but it’s always scary to have a parent living alone and not be able to contact them. So please keep him in your thoughts today while we go down there. I’m sure everything is fine. We’re just worried.

One item I have been longing for is a bookshelf. When Kasey and I saw that Target had a 5 shelf bookcase in Espresso on sale for only $26 we were so there.

I was so excited to get home and get it together. Kasey actually did the putting together because she is tough like that, but I helped! A little.

In any case we know have a lovely dark brown book case to house all my beautiful books…and a few of Kasey’s.

Look! I took pictures for you! (Surely that makes up for my brief absence.)

Yay! My books all have a nice home. I hated them strewn here and there and having to look several places to find a certain book. Plus I get all excited seeing all my feminism books together. They look so cute!

I think this is my favorite piece of furniture right now.

*Remember that stupid Tom Green bit? No? Just me? Alright then.

I started a new blog! It’s a super dorky blog about what bath and body products I am using. Fun, right? I know. I realize not that many people care. That’s why I created the new blog. So I don’t make you guys nuts. It’s called I Wash My Face. I know, I’m so damn creative that it’s scary.

In other news, people please go get a facial! It’s amazing. I felt like I was glowing for the rest of the day. Now? Not so much. I think it brought all the grossness to the top and I’m breaking out now. Hopefully that will go down soon. I bought some sort of fancy facial stuff I have been using and I’m excited for it to work. More about that on the new site.

Besides getting facials, eating fancy dinners in Philadelphia and starting new blogs I have been pretty much just playing The Sims 2: Castaway on my DS. It’s so addicting it’s scary. That’s why children shouldn’t be allowed to play video games. They are like crack. Then again I need all those tweens to help me out when I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I did an obscene amount of google searches. How did people solve video games before the internet?

Not really. This is from Rhi and she said she was just going to leave it up to us to tag ourselves. So I did.

8 Things I’m Passionate About:

1. Kasey
2. My Blog.
3. Being happy.
4. Finishing college.
5. Being myself.
6. Being joyful.
7. Experiencing new things.
8. Love.

8 Books I’ve read and enjoyed

1. Cunt by Inga Muscio
2. Feminism Is For Everybody by Bell Hooks
3. Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti
4. Ain’t I A Woman: Black Women & Feminism by Bell Hooks
5. Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy
6. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
7. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
8. A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty White

8 words/phrases that I say often

1. I’m cold.
2. Huh?
3. Oh! (I tend to exclaim this a lot and then go into a story.)
4. Seriously?
5. I don’t know. ( My one coworker asks me endless questions all about things I don’t know/care about.)
6. Take me home.
7. I love you.
8. Let’s snuggle.

8 things I want to do before I die

1. Have a home.
2. Get my doctorate.
3. Have children.
4. See another country.
5. Have a career.
6. Take a road trip.
7. Write something amazing.
8. Legally change my name.

8 Things I’ve Learned in my Life

1. You have to do what makes you happy.
2. Other people will judge you no matter what.
3. All you need is love.
4. Never compromise yourself.
5. LOVE DOESN’T HURT.
6. Friends who betray you weren’t friends to begin with.
7. Life in unexpected.
8. There is beauty in everything.

8 places I want to see

1. Portland, OR
2. Japan
3. China
4. France
5. The UK
6. Australia
7. The Caribbean with Kasey (I have been there before.)
8. Las Vegas, NV

8 things I currently want/need

1. An apartment/home.
2. A new design for my blog.
3. A new url.
4. Kick ass accessories for my date.
5. DS games.
6. A new wardrobe.
7. Cupcakes.
8. My mini-vacation to come up quicker.

8 people I want to tag

Like my D-List ass has 8 readers. Eh….I’ll play along anyway. (Feel free to do it if you would like, but don’t feel pressured. If I didn’t tag you and you do it anyway let me know so I can read it.)

1. Alice
2. Jill
3. Loralee
4. The Over-Thinker
5. One Scrappy Gal
6. Kyle
7. Kaza
8. Natalie

I am a Croc wearer. Yeah I said it. Go ahead and stone me to death internet!! I know that’s what you want to do. I don’t quite understand the venom behind most anti-Croc individuals. Have these shoes done something personal to you? Did a giant Croc once come up to you, slap you in the face and call your mother a whore? You would think so to read some of the things people have to say about them.

I especially love this article at The Manolo which details shoe horrors. I own two of the exact shoes listed. (Birkenstock Boston’s in Tan and Ugg Short Boots in Baby Pink, in case you wondered.) I also own 3 out of the 7 of the shoes discussed. (Ugg, Birkenstock, and Crocs, also in case you wondered.)

Let me clairify lest you cast me out as a fashion pariah. I like shoes that serve a purpose. I do not want to be in physical pain because of something I’m wearing. Call me crazy if you wish. I also don’t like sneakers. I two pairs and I can count how many times I have worn both on one hand. Let me talk to you about each individually.

1. Uggs - Sure. They aren’t the most attractive boots, but I live in the Poconos people. Our winters go from October to May. I’m cold all the time. I need warm boots. I don’t give a damn what they look like as long as I am warm. So sue me.

2. Birkenstocks - These used to be all I wore before Uggs. Then it was Birkenstocks in the Summer and Uggs in the winter. Oh what a happy time. Then I just stopped being able to afford new pairs or whatever and somehow they stopped being my #1 choice. I will still defend them to the end. As a teenager I used to work in a gas station where I would be on my feet all day long. These were the only shoes where I would make it to the end of the day without my feet feeling like they were on fire. They also look cute on, in my opinion and I love wearing them with tights. I wish I had a new leather pair. My old ones I have had since I was 16 and doodled on them. You don’t want to see that.

3. Crocs - Last, but not least. The evil menaces of the shoe world. Here for the sole purpose of making you miserable. I’m wearing them RIGHT NOW! How do you feel, internet? A little nauseous? Good! They allow me to walk all over Philadelphia with nary a care.

I’m not saying that I too am not hit with disgust when I see those dreadful yuppie families and all of them are wearing a variable rainbow of crocs. My eye twitches too. I also am filled with repulsion when I see over-tanned 48 year olds in teeny tiny skirts, halter-tops and Uggs. I’m human. I feel that stuff to.

Here is the thing though. It’s not the shoes fault. Those shoes deserve better than that. You can’t blame the shoes for these public annoyances. It’s the people welding them. It’s not like Dooney & Burke where the bags themselves cause the problem. I am wearing this exact pair. I also want these.

What I really want to get at here is the same sort of people who HATE Crocs and keep ranting on and on about how awful they are like shoes that are even uglier. Except it doesn’t seem to matter how ugly those shoes are as long as Vouge and Elle tell them they are lovely. I’m calling bull shit.

I put together a brief compilation of photos for you to further my point. (All current picks from Piper Lime.)

It’s a shame DSW wouldn’t let me save their images. You are missing this, this, this, this and this. (Please click those links. You will be missing out if you don’t.)

Suddenly Crocs seem like a pretty great choice.

Hi guys!!! How is everyone. I’m fabulous. Thank you for asking. Even moreso? Thank you for telling me I’m fabulous. All of you who commented on my last entry. You all really made me feel so much better.

No further emails have been received so that is a definite plus. Hopefully it continues that way. I also added a new email to my contact info for them to use. Let us hope that they do.

I have been oddly chatty lately. I don’t even think I have anything good to say. It’s just blahblahblah about everything. This is so unlike me. Usually I am having complex conversations in my head and also bullying myself into saying something. This is especially true when out to eat. Don’t you feel massive pressure to have great conversation when you’re out to dinner with someone? Luckily Kasey is a great conversationalist so she keeps things move, but usually I’m yelling at myself in my head going, “Say something! SAY something!!!”.

Not these past few days though. I have been finding EVERYTHING interesting and worthy of a conversation. Kasey said at one point I was talking and she zoned out for a while and thought of something to tell me, zoned back and I was STILL talking! About random things like sweaters and face washes. You know all that stuff your significant other is so interested in hearing about.

I think I need to find a happy medium.

I purchased a DS game yesterday at Target called Petz Bunnyz. I’m not going to deny that the young male gamer who was working there didn’t shame me with his eyes while opening the case, but I feel it was worth it. Now I need to get a new DS charger so I can play the damn thing. I ordered one off of ebay and hopefully it will be in by the time I go on my mini-vacation next week.

Shoe search 2008 has been rough going, but people seemed to favor my red flats that I own already and Kasey said the black heels I own are great too. So perhaps I’ll just stick with those and save the money. Still wish I have jewelry or a bag that really popped. It’s a pretty upscale restaurant so I would like to have a designer bag with me, but what does it even matter? I have a bright red clutch, but the clasp doesn’t always stay closed. Too much to decide on! Why am I getting myself all worked up about this date?

I was going to get my eyebrows threaded also before going, but apparently my eyebrows look fine the way they are (according to Kasey) and she thinks they look a little strange when there are tiny thin lines. (That’s the way I like to get them.) So now I’m not sure about getting that done either. I guess it’s saving me money. That’s a good thing, right?

I would include photographic evidence so I could get your opinion, but as usual I don’t have my camera with me at work. As usual.

From time to time people ask me for relationship advice. I sort of find this insane usually. I mean my last relationship sort of crashed and burned to the ground and that makes me feel VERY unqualified to give any sort of advice on relationships. People should be giving me advice, in my opinion. Then they bring up the point that my last relationship, even as bad as it was at times, made it to six and a half years and my current one just passed the one year mark so I must be doing something right.

I got to thinking about that. Is it really me doing something right? I don’t know. There are some things that I make sure to do especially in this new relationship to try to keep things fresh and the romance alive. It’s just what works for me. I think everyone has to find what works best in their own situation. In any case, I bring you this list of my favorite relationship advice.

1. Take all relationship advice with a grain of salt. This sort of echoes what I wrote above, but it bears repeating. What might work perfectly for one couple may turn weird and awkward in your own. I enjoy reading relationship articles and I would say about 85% of the time I find the advice to be complete crap. Especially if that advice is found in Redbook. (For instance, I recently read an article on sweet little things you can do to show your significant other that you care. One of the tips was sneak onto “his” computer and change “his” screen saver to a picture of you. That might be sweet to someone, but in most cases I think it would be taken as creepy, narcissistic and it lacks respect for the others privacy.)

2. Do the little things that show you care. Last night I had to pick Kasey up at work at 9:00 pm. She seemed stressed and tired when I talked to her on the phone earlier so I wanted to something special for her. So I called her favorite restaurant an hour before she was done working and ordered her BBQ wings to go. I had to drive a half hour to pick them up and a half hour back, but when I told her I had gotten her dinner she seemed so touched it was supremely worth it. It cost about $10 for the wings and fries and $5 for the gas, but meant so much to her. It’s hard to remember to do something everyday, but I think doing something nice at least 3 times a week is a great start.

3. Be an individual and have your own interests. Sure Kasey thinks me making 1000 paper cranes is insane, but she enjoys telling people I’m into origami and talking to me about it. Would she ever eat eel? Probably not. However, she is always more than willing to pick me up some sushi and she loves that I am adventurous with foods. I could also go into rants about feminism and how I hate it when women walk all over rights other women fought for and she’ll nod and listen. On the other hand I find it really sexy how much she loves music and how she plays the drums and the piano. We don’t like the same movies all the time, but few things are cuter than her telling me all about some trailer she saw for some new action movie. Oh and the reading. How hot is a butch that can read for hours? I love that! I don’t want to be with someone just like me and I don’t think anyone would.

4. Have sex. Sex is one of those topics I am unbelievably open about conversationally, but I keep it to a whisper here. I’m not unlike a gay man with my sexual desires so I try to keep that to myself online as much as possible. In any case, I think it’s very important to the well being of a relationship to have consistent sex. I’m currently not sure myself how consistent that should be. I guess it’s something you should figure out for yourself, but in any relationship I think you shouldn’t let anymore than two months pass without having sex with each other. It helps keep that bond alive and makes you feel closer. Even better is if you can agree on new sexual situations that you both want to explore. That will make the bond even deeper. (Though exploring something your not comfortable with will have the adverse effects.) I have been trying to keep the love alive so to speak about twice a week, but I’m not sure if this is too much or not. Personally, I’m one of those people who thinks it could never be too much. (TMI?)

5. Speak up for yourself. This is probably the one I am worst at. Sometimes it is hard to be assertive and tell the other one when you are ticked off. To keep a relationship functioning properly it’s really important to bring it up when something is ticking you off. Do it in a productive way, though. Don’t just freak out about something and start yelling. Bring it up calmly and tell them what is bothering you.

6. Be uplifting. Maybe your partner has big dreams. Whats wrong with a little ambition? As long as they aren’t letting it rule their lives they will feel really good about you supporting them. It’s also important to compliment their good points. Did they wash the dishes, clean up after the pets, remember to call you? Let them know how much you appreciate that. What about their appearance? New haircut? Wearing a nice outfit? Tell them! Everyone likes getting complimented, your partner included.

7. Don’t try to get them to be someone their not. If the person you are with drinks a lot of beer and watches sports daily don’t get committed to them thinking they will change. Maybe they will, but more then likely that is just part of who they are. If you can’t deal with that then they probably aren’t for you. This brings me to my next point…

8. Know when to call it quits. This is a big one. It’s also hard. Sometimes it just isn’t working out and as hard as you try it’s just not going to work. You can drag it out and both be miserable or you can go your separate ways and find someone who is better for you. This might make you miserable for a while to, but no one should compromise themselves or who they are for someone else.

9. Be comfortable around the other person. You know that commercial where the woman promises never to wear a flannel nightgown? I hate that commercial. If you can’t handle the thought of your future partner in a flannel nightgown you can’t handle marriage. I will certainly be sleeping in comfortable pajamas. I will walk around the house in sweatpants. You know what? It certainly makes them take notice when the sexy lingerie comes out. You should be able to be yourself around your spouse. Myself wears sweats at home and talks about how much my vagina hurts when I have my period.

10. Touch is important. I read once that the average American couple only touches twice a day including sex. That really surprised me. I think touch is so important. It is comforting and will bring you and your partner closer. Add in little bits of touch to your day. Perhaps a massage before bed? Stroking their face? Rubbing their head? It all makes a big difference in how close the two of you feel.

11. Does your face light up? Sometimes Oprah may seem full of crap, but some of her advice has really impacted my life. She was once talking about how it’s important when looking at children for your face to light up when you see them or when they walk in the room. It shows that you love them, care about them and are happy to see them. It’s great advice that I think has a huge impact. I think it’s great to use it with your significant other too. Does your face show them how happy you are to see them?

12. A kiss goodbye and a friendly greeting make all the difference. It takes so little time to kiss your partner goodbye, but many times it’s overlooked. It’s a little thing that really means a lot. Also when reuniting after a day apart take a little time to reconnect. How was your day? It’s so lovely to see you. Again the little things that mean a lot. I hear you. I see you. I love you.

13. Find new things to experience with each other. Whether it’s going to a new town together, trying a new restaurant or taking a class together to learn something new it’s fun and exciting to try something new with your partner. It gives you more to talk about and maybe you both love it and maybe you don’t, but it’s important to switch up the routine sometimes.

I think that’s all I have for now. Perhaps I’ll update when I think of more.

What do you guys think? What is some of your best relationship advice?

This is to try and win a contest at www.rhiinpink.com. I have bolded the ones I have read, italicized the ones I want to read and put a strikethrough the ones I don’t care to read.

I typically read non-fiction so we’ll see how this goes.

1. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Rebecca Wells (Actually in my trunk right now. I saw the movie though. I am hoping the book is better.)
2. East of Eden, John Steinbeck
3. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
4. The New Kings of Nonfiction, Ira Glass
5. Lulu Meets God and Doubts Him, Danielle Ganek
6. White Teeth, Zadie Smith
7. Then We Came to the End, Joshua Ferris
8. Prodigal Summer, Barbara Kinglosver
9. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd (Loved!)
10. A Girl Named Zippy, Haven Kimmel
11. Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!, Fannie Flagg
12. Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters, Mark Dunn
13. Stupid and Contagious, Caprice Crane
14. Running with Scissors, Augusten Burroughs
15. Bitter is the New Black, Jen Lancaster
16. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, Lois P. Frankel
17. I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies), Laurie Notaro
18. Running in Heels, Anna Maxted
19. She’s Come Undone, Wally Lamb
20. Sushi for Beginners, Marian Keyes
21. Jemima J, Jane Green
22. Something Borrowed, Emily Giffin
23. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
24. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Betty Smith (LOVED! One of my favorite books of all time!)
25. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume
26. The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker
27. Emma, Jane Austen
28. The Hours, Michael Cunningham
29. Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf
30. The Romance Reader, Pearl Abraham
31. Twilight, Stephenie Meyer (Oh hell no. No offense!)
32. Blink, Malcolm Gladwell
33. Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, Lynne Truss
34. A People’s History of the United States, Howard Zinn
35. Manufacturing Consent, Noam Chomsky
36. Swell: A Girl’s Guide to the Good Life, Ilene Rosenzweig
37. I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence, Amy Sedaris
38. Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future, Jennifer Baumgardner (You have no idea how embarrassed I am that I haven’t read this yet.)
39. The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks
40. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search…, Elizabeth Gilbert
41. Bloodsucking Fiends, Christopher Moore
42. The World According to Mimi Smartypants, Mimi Smartypants
43. The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing, Melissa Bank (This is on my bookshelf.)
44. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, Barbara Kingsolver
45. Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides
46. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan (I read this in 8th grade so I would like to read it again.)
47. The Singing Creek where the Willows Grow, Opal Stanley Whitely
48. I Am America (And So Can You), Stephen Colbert
49. No One Belongs Here More Than You: Stories, Miranda July
50. Shopgirl, Steve Martin
51. Marley and Me, John Grogan
52. The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
53. Into the Wild, John Krakauer
54. Nanny Diaries, Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus
55. Watermelon, Marian Keyes
56. Summer at Tiffany, Marjorie Hart
57. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer
58. Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas, James Patterson
59. The Time Traveler’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger (Amazingly written! LOVED!)
60. Remember Me? , Sophie Kinsella
61. Good in Bed, Jennifer Weiner
62. The Other Sister, Jodi Picoult
63. Everyone Worth Knowing, Lauren Weisenberger
64. A Season in Purgatory, Dominick Dunne
65. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCullough
66. See Jane Date, Melissa Senate
67. Prep, Curtis Sittenfeld
68. Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott
69. Like Water for Chocolate, Laura Esquivel
70. He’s Just Not That Into You, Greg Behrendt
71. I Was Told There’d Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
72. The Department of Lost & Found, Alison Winn Scotch
73. Straight Up and Dirty, Stephanie Klein
74. The Curious Incident of the Dog in Nighttime, Mark Haddon
75. Bel Canto, Ann Patchett

Wow. I feel like I haven’t read much of these at all. I would like to read them all at some point. You can never read enough.

I have been spending a long ass time attempting to import my old entries from Diaryland. Right now I am thinking of getting rid of most of my archives all together.

I don’t know if I am going through some sort of phase or something, but I come by my blog and just think about how much everything needs to change. I want a custom design, but I can’t seem to save up the money ($1,500) while still paying for gas, food and school*. I also just can’t stand the categories anymore. I can’t stand how much history is on here. I’m kind of thinking that I might start going through the whole blog and just redoing EVERYTHING. Then again I’m not sure I will have time for what will surely be such a big project. But maybe it won’t even take that long. (Can you tell I am still wracking over this in my mind?)

I have been blogging since I was 19. That is five years of me at a computer typing my feelings to the internet. I would like to think that I have gotten better at doing so, but somehow I don’t think that is true. I suppose that my writing hasn’t improved much and I doubt it will until I take more college writing classes.

Still…there is a lot here. I think it could be better. I’m just not sure how to achieve that. I have also been thinking about changing my url for a while now, but I have NO idea what I would change it to. Would people follow me and read me there? It’s all very confusing.

Perhaps I’ll go back in my archives a bit and see what I can do. Perhaps I’ll delete some entries and maybe bookmark things that I want to address again. Maybe you’ll hear some older stories again while I rewrite. My point it that I need a change, but I don’t know what that change is or how to achieve it. I have thought about completely deleting this blog and starting anew, but somehow I don’t think that is what I want either.

This blog just doesn’t seem like an accurate representation of who I am anymore. I look at other people’s sites and I feel like I get a sense of them. Here at my own site? Not so much.

I have been having one of my downward spells again. I need a place to feel like I can be myself and write it out and have wonderful people who understand me.

I have gotten a bunch of new readers lately some who comment and some who email and you’re all so lovely and fantastic and I just feel like you deserve better than this.

I also can’t figure out how to work my damn ads, so my google ads still aren’t up yet and I am advertising for Blogher for free…so it seems. Arg!

My anxiety seems to be worse than ever though I am learning to keep it internal so no one notices except for me. I don’t want to be on medication, but perhaps I keep putting off the inevitable. I started refusing meds when I was 17. For a while it seemed like it worked out, but sometimes I just have such a hard time figuring out how I am going to get through things.

I am also slowly starting to have food issues again…which I don’t really want to talk about right now. It’s just hard.

I have some things I want to talk about, but maybe I’ll do some cleaning up around here first.

*We’re not going there.

What’s up y’all? It’s Kasey. I’m on my day off from my job. I’m a cook at this Private Community Center and I stand pretty much all day so my legs always ache afterwards. But here’s the thing, it’s a good kind of pain. And not cus I’m into S&M(don’t even let your minds go there, I know some of y’all are a little freaky) but because I wasn’t working for a few months. So, I’m willingly dealing with some sore feet for that dough. I mean, I’m a hustla you know? I’m working long hours for that cheddar. (Special note: dough and cheddar both mean money. Just trying to help you out.)

Of course, I had my little routine when I wasn’t working. I would wake up, watch Angela go out the door, feel a little guilty until I remembered something: The Nanny was on! Yes, of course I know the tv schedule, I’m unemployed! Thank you syndication. So, the Nanny came on at 8:30, Golden Girls at 9 and 9:30(oh that Sofia cracks me up), possibly a nap and back downstairs for Scooby-Doo at 12 and 12:30.  And in between that a mixture of house shows, reruns and movies. Ooh, can’t forget the Price is Right. Classic! Though Drew Carey’s not as good as the Bob, but who is? Though I never wish unemployment on anyone, if you find yourself at home on a weekday, there are some shows you need to watch.

1. The Nanny - A street-wise nanny shakes up the lives of her stuffy English employer and his kids? Has anything sounded better?!

2. The Golden Girls - Easily on my top ten list of shows. The laughs, the drama. The old ladies!

3. The Price is Right - Here’s the thing. It might be 2008 out here, but the prizes in the Price is Right are stuck in the 1980’s. And the best thing is watching the contestants reactions when they bring out the item to bid on. “And now, the next item to bid. A humongous Wall Clock that will take up an entire wall in your house!” And cue the reaction. Priceless.

4. Clean House - This show comes on the Style Network and it is a-mazing! Basically this crew goes into people’s houses where they have let the clutter go a little crazy and clean it up.

What do you guys like to watch on your day off? I’m always up for new suggestions. So let’s see. New music? Three new songs for you: Spotlight by Jennifer Hudson, Say(All I Need) by One Republic and my new obsession, Untouched by the Veronicas. Listen and love it!

I guess that’s it. I’ve taken up too much time already. Though I’m excited about all the comments you guys are leaving for my girl. She’s super excited. If you like me enough, I’ll try to come back. Just give me something to talk about cus I need ideas.

As always, peace, love and happiness. Holla at your girl.